The urgh and the squee

Last updated 11:34 03/07/2014

In every life there comes moments of hilarity and wonder that you wish you could bottle or keep in your pocket for a rainy day (like that time I took the baby out for a walk on a gusty day and I swear he looked like he was actually trying to eat the wind - babies, not smarter than your average cocker spaniel, evidently). Where was I? Oh yes, things that make you go "squee!". But of course the flipside is also true. There are also things I've come across recently that have just made me go "urgh" and roll my eyes in an overly dramatic fashion which is, let's face it, my "signature move"*.

In the interests of ending on an upbeat note let's start with the urgh-iness.

Things that have made be go "urgh":

David Bain is to be a father. Now, don't misunderstand me, I am not in any way offended, grossed out, or otherwise bothered by David Bain becoming a father. I just don't understand why this information is being presented to me as if it's something I should care about. I don't want to be the kind of person who yells "HOW IS THIS NEWS?" every time something that isn't personally relevant to them is reported in the media but in this case I have to wonder. I mean, if David himself were pregnant I could see that definitely being newsworthy (and assuming that his taste in sweaters hadn't improved in the last 20 years, boy would I have the christmas-themed maternity outfit for him) but otherwise ...meh. Two eyerolls and a "tut tut" from this reviewer.

His and hers placenta or breastmilk ring set. I'm going to give you a second so that you can re-read that last sentence because frankly, it is a concept that takes a bit of added brain power to absorb.

*waits*

Okay? Ah, so apparently you can have jewellery made from either your baby's placenta, or some of your breastmilk. I don't know about you but this prompts me to ask in a tiny, scared voice... why? According to the website this "stunning piece is a perfect keepsake for both mother and father on occasions like their baby's birthday, christening or even your own wedding day!"

I can think of few things I'd less like to have gracing my finger for the rest of my life than a crusty old piece of placenta. I'd rather have a wedding ring made of salami, or at the very least a large size Rashun. Two eyerolls and a good deal of skin underneath my fingernails from where I've clawed at my own face in shock and disgust from me.

Lou Vincent. What is it with cricketers and terrible hair? A sorry head shake and exasperated shrug of the shoulders from me.

A few of the comments on Tuesday's post. Far out, guys, calm down, eh? One eyeroll and an eyebrow raise from me.

Things that have made me get my "squee" on:

Scenes from The Princess Bride lovingly recreated in Lego. Mawwige, that bwessed awwangement... of bwicks. I love when people get their geek on in a way that is massively time-consuming and requires almost savant-like attention to detail. Because deep down I fantasise about indulging obsessively like this but never will because I just don't have the time. Three big sighs and a happy dance from me.

Jeremy Wells' shockingly good Mike Hosking impressions. I've never really gone out of my way to watch or to listen to Mike Hosking but much like headlice in a schoolyard, whether you like it or not, you will be exposed to him eventually. This is how I know that Wells' ongoing series of ersatz "Mike Hosking Rants" as featured on Radio Hauraki's Breakfast show is sheer, bloody genius. The voice and phrasing is perfect as is the timbre of self-importance. If you close your eyes you can almost see the trademark hair and an ill-advised floral shirt in your mind's eye. There are quite a few to choose from but my favourites are here, here and here. The real question, I suppose, is can Mike Hosking do a Jeremy Wells impression? Either way this elicits a little chair wiggle of joy.

Most of the comments on Tuesday's post. You guys are awesome. A cheeky wink with a touch of the glad eye in your direction.

What's delighting or disappointing you this week? Any opinions on the above? Would you ever wear jewellery made of placenta, for instance?

*Completely useless signature move to have in Tekken but it's still stood me in good stead.

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