The week's best & worst dressed

17:00, Jul 10 2014
The week's best & worst dressed
THE BAD: If you tell me Kate Hudson is wearing Armani Prive my brain imagines very good things; it certainly doesn't anticipate this Liberace's reject wardrobe mess. I can see Liza Minnelli's character wearing this to seduce Buster in Arrested Development. He'd whimper, she'd flounce, it would be resplendent. In fact, that's the only instance in which I'd like to see this pantsuit again (except I'd like it to be lined, as we can see Kate's knickers here and I'm not prepared to see Liza's undies under any circumstances. Excuse me while I scrub my mind's eye with pumice stone in an attempt to eject said mental image).
The week's best & worst dressed
THE BAD: I think even the jazziest of figure skaters would turn their nose up at nude tights featuring calf bedazzling, but Spanish pop star Soraya Arnelas jumped in head first and has gone for a full-body flesh-coloured stocking. One word: itchy (all over).
The week's best & worst dressed
THE BAD: Kristen Stewart in Chanel = Jasmine in Aladdin on her wedding day, if Jasmine in Aladdin was part of a meth-peddling bikie gang.
The week's best & worst dressed
THE BAD: Beautiful singer Laura Mvula is often one of my best dressed celebs, but not this week, oh no. She looks like a medieval bath loofah.
The week's best & worst dressed
THE BAD: A) If you have to wear a giant plaster on the back of your leg, it might be time to just let go of your idea of wearing a mini dress on that day. B) Nina Dobrev can make almost anything look good - she's a bit of an Emma Watson in that way - but even she can't make this barmaid in a Bond film-meets-marching-band-uniform Versace number work. Considering that Nina Dobrev possesses a next-level phenomenal figure, can you imagine this on a 'normal' person? I'd look like a five month pregnant linebacker in this job. Like Arnie in Junior just with bigger shoulders.
The week's best & worst dressed
THE BAD: Sarah Kern is Germany's answer to Rachel Hunter, or maybe Kylie Bax, and we can only hope that she's not actually packing heat while wearing this Lara-Croft-fan-at-a-Comic-Con-rip-off-event get up. Speaking of guns, trenchcoat at three-o-clock is clearly fully loaded.
The week's best & worst dressed
THE ALMOST: Firstly, seafoam green is definitely Kim's colour. Secondly, girlfriend needs to stop using spider legs as her falsies - it just looks messy. Thirdly, I love this chiffon dress, and I imagine it would move beautifully as the skirt would be all floaty, but, for me, it's ruined by Kim's level of lovely-lady-lump-display. Basically, if we can see over one third of your entire breast, you've transcended cleavage.
The week's best & worst dressed
THE WILD CARD: On principal I detest this Atelier Versace gown - she has one leg in a random sequin leg cast, y'all - but Jennifer Lopez, 44, is clearly a witch who embeds her cheekbones with diamonds and drinks the blood of supermodels to maintain perfect curves, and so she's somehow, in some unimaginable way, making this work. Except the shoes, no amount of sacrificial ritual would make stripper shoes okay. This is tacky, yes - let me remind you that she has one rogue pant leg on readers - but she somehow makes it all quite modern and sexy.
The week's best & worst dressed
THE GOOD: Diane Keaton is the CEO of the pant-suit, and while I'm not sure the weightlifter's belt was necessary, she looks archetypally phenomenal in this white number. I'm hoping she's distracting Michael Douglas in the picture on the right so that she can pull a prank on him, perhaps stick a Post-It note on his back that reads 'I had oral sex and all I got was...'. Too soon?
The week's best & worst dressed
THE GOOD: This Balmain outfit on Kim Kardashian won't be everyone's cup of tea, but it's a nice expression of Kim's personal style. The sleek leopard skirt flatters her curves, the military-meets-arts-and-crafts jumper is really interesting and that plum lip looks stunning on the half-Armenian star.
The week's best & worst dressed
THE GOOD: Olivia Palermo adds interest to a crisp, starchy white shirt and a gorgeous Crusaders-fan-hued skirt, both by Valentino, with a quirky choice of shoes and clutch. She's a pro.
The week's best & worst dressed
THE GOOD: While the pointy shoe sticking out from the skirt is a touch Wicked Witch of the East (R.I.P), overall Emma Watson looks stunning in this Valentino crop top, maxi skirt combo. A) I love how she wears less makeup than most celebs so that you can actually see that she posesses freckles, and pores for that matter. B) She's really running with the whole one earring thing, and wears just a singular ear adornment everywhere she goes. Keaton's the CEO of pantsuits, Watson the CFO of the mono-earring.
The week's best & worst dressed
THE BEST: If Kim Kardashian wore this it would go straight to the worst dressed pool room, but somehow, with Diane Kruger's effortlessly stylish fairy dust sprinkled all over it, it's a wonderful, beautiful, memorable fashion moment. The dress is by Mary Katrantzou and is covered in boy-scout-badge style traffic symbols (the gaps are filled with mesh). That is quite possibly the most fugly sounding description of a dress I've ever typed, and yet somehow this is without a doubt my best look of the week. I'm going to start a cult dedicated to the Kruger. We'll all dye our hair blonde, wear frosted pink lippie and speak in a German accent.

Kim K, Emma Watson, J-Lo, Kate Hudson and Diane Kruger all appear in this week's round up of the best and worst dressed celebrities, and with varying levels of success. 

This week we haven't touched upon the Dior Couture show, as we featured all of those looks here. 

In this weekly fashion fest we only bring you the horrors and the hits from the red carpets and only cover events where celebrities know they'll be snapped and critiqued for their fashion (so no Britney leaving Maccas in her trackies.) Why? Well because all humans - even celebs - should be allowed to look rubbish while packing a Quarter Pounder (testify!).

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