The week in celeb Instagram snaps

17:00, Jul 27 2014
The week in celeb self snaps
PARIS HILTON: Jehovah's Witnesses door knockers are currently undergoing a 're-branding'.
The week in celeb self snaps
ROD STEWART: Meanwhile, 69-year-old Rod's assistant was concerned when she stumbled across the rocker reenacting the 'king of the world' scene from Titanic with himself while pantless. Still, she couldn't help but whisper to herself wistfully, 'Rod's still got it'. Hey, she's only human. She quickly snapped back into work mode, however, thinking, 'sheesh, we really need to deal with his bunions'.
The week in celeb self snaps
TYRA BANKS: Tyra's assistant is nonplussed by her four hour session of staring into space blankly. 'Oh, she's just doing her smize exercises,' he says to a worried deliveryman who thinks Banks may have had a stroke.
The week in celeb self snaps
LUDACRIS: The exec producers of Fast & Furious 7 had to cut budgets and so decided to just find a dude that looks vaguely like The Rock as a stand-in. 'But he's the only actor still actually famous beyond the franchise?' a worried producer notes. 'Shutup and go get Tyrese his orange juice and remember to serve it in a crystal goblet,' the boss replies.
The week in celeb self snaps
MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ: Here's a nice segue: from Rod's-Rod to M-Rod (who's clearly been trying to put on her eyeliner while filming a F&F nitro-tastic car scene).
The week in celeb self snaps
KIM KARDASHIAN: Kim K posted this adorable photo ... and then ...
The week in celeb self snaps
KIM KARDASHIAN: ... instantly classed things up by posting this subtle snap just a few hours later (after getting a text from Seacrest demanding some more bikini shots, of couse). 'That seven star resort isn't paying for itself Kimmy ...' he typed from his underground bunker while sobbing, gorging on Doritos and staring at <a href="http://www.rantlifestyle.com/wp-content/slideshow/2013/10/celeb-yearbook/medium/ryan-seacrest.jpg" target="_blank">a picture of his former fat kid self.</a>
The week in celeb self snaps
ZAC EFRON: But hey, if four vials of silicone and botulinum bobbing about in a pool isn't for you, then this hot piece on a horse might be more up your alley.
The week in celeb self snaps
CODY SIMPSON: Well, if you thought Zac Efron on a horse was majestic, behold Justin Bieber's shirt. It's like all of the terrible patterns that reared their ugly heads during the 90s - appearing on everyone from Fresh Prince of Bel Air to a chubby Shane Warne on Bondi with zinc on his nose - have spawned a demon cloth child.
The week in celeb self snaps
KRIS JENNER: Kris Jenner must have been texting Ryan 'Evil Genius' Seacrest when she had an 'aha' moment, and started typing, 'ooh, all the girls are here today, why don't we do a photoshoot in which we appear to be naked in the pool together?! Just a mom and her daughters.' Moneybags Seacrest must have replied, 'totes. pls ensure kim's front & centre'. PS: While this water coven has obviously been Photoshopped, I'm fairly convinced they've taken it up a notch here and just straight Photoshopped Kim in. PPS: Is Khloe on her knees?
The week in celeb self snaps
JENNIFER LOPEZ: JLo Snapchats her assistant. 'I said white roses in my bubble bath. Consider this a written warning'.

Inappropriate nudity (at all ages) and oddly intense stares make up the highlights (and low points) this week.

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