Celeb Instagram snaps of the week

17:00, Aug 03 2014
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
JUSTIN BIEBER: Justin's mates were a bit weirded out when he said they had to all wear matching undies. 'It's just a bit off that he even cares about that detail,' one said to the other. 'Meh, he's super rich,' the other member of the entourage replied, 'and he's letting me fly on his private jet next Tuesday'.
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
JASON MOMOA: Khal Drogo cooks giant pieces of meat by just standing near them. His hotness radiates, sizzling the steaks.
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
KHLOE KARDASHIAN: This week's 'Parenting Tip From Kris Jenner': if one of your children's tabloid magazine cover quota is down and you're under pressure to hit targets, just get them to stand with their hand caressing their belly. Voila, 'Khloe's Secret Joy' will be emblazoned across every throwaway glossy before you can say 'Bruce, where's my French manicure kit?'
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
RICKY MARTIN: This Latino lover wins 'Instagram Account You'd Most Likely Swipe Left On If It Was A Tinder' of the week with his blurry, shaky hand, a touch-too-intimate selfies.
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
HEIDI KLUM: Meanwhile, Heidi's Instagram account would probably get a strong percentage of 'swipe rights' if it was a Tinder profile. (But then you'd discover the owner of the account was actually the dude in the suit - Zac Posen. Guts. No offence to Zac. He's a great looking, sharp-dressing dude, but he's not a half naked German supermodel. It's hard to compete with that).
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
GISELE BUNDCHEN: I understand that she's happily married to Tom Brady (and that he's happily married to Lisa Bonet), but if Gisele Bundchen and Jason Momoa (last slide) ever got together I think they would cause the universe to spontaneously combust. Mother nature would see them and think, 'that's it, the human race has peaked, it's time to give up'.
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
SELENA GOMEZ: Tabloids are using the fact that Selena tagged this 'bird' as evidence that Cara Delevingne and Gomez are getting hot and heavy. While they totally might be, and power to them if they are, I think in this instance fact fans it might be something to do with there being a bird in the photo (and Selena was probably too trolleyed - they are partying on a private yacht - to type more than one word).
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
ZACHARY QUINTO: And if this was Spock's online dating site profile picture, you'd be all, 'ooh, hottie mctottie ready to trottie' when it was thumbnail ... but then, CLICK, and 'Oh dear lord. Pink eye o'clock. Next! Well, okay, call me in two weeks when it's definitely no longer contagious'.
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
MIRANDA KERR: Don't you just HATE it when you get in the bath and realise you've forgotten to take your jeans off? Mind you, if the tabloids were doing the rounds saying I'd gotten with Joffrey Bieber I'd probably too feel so violated that I'd have to go non-nude and be in a permanent state of pantedness for a while.
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
JESSICA ALBA: Jess captioned this 'pooped' (not literally I hope).
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
MARK RUFFALO: Speaking of spontaneously combusting, I'm a bit of a Marvel fan-girl and so this snap has me coming over all clammy, a bit like Kanye's thighs in his leather jogging pants. PS: I particularly love that RDJ is getting a bit of a bronzer touch up (and with a tiny, mini makeup brush. Invest in a Kabuki brush Rob, it'll change your life).
The week in celeb Instagram snaps
MILEY CYRUS: And this would be a definite and firm swipe to the left (look, even her dogs are trying to move in that direction).

Pink eye, pseudo pregnancies and misguided attempts at sexiness: ah the sweet highs and lows of the A-list Instagram account. 

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