Best & worst dressed celebrities
THE BAD: If all the characters in Dynasty were actually dominatrixes, Carissa Wormald's exact dress would definitely have featured on the 80s TV classic. Also, imagine the sweat pooling potential from underarm to forearm on this one ... bags of the stuff.
THE BAD: Carmen Electra in Moschino = a less fortunate female character from Grand Theft Auto neck down, an Afghan Hound neck up (these may be the worst extensions I've ever seen). Also, due to the curvature of Electra's bosom and the zip-effect at the front of the dress, the more I stare at her chest, the more it just looks like a large dude's gut squashed into a pair of Eighties jeans.
THE BAD: Beautiful Dominican actress Katherine Castro's Emilio Pucci dress transforms from abaya-like to quite the contrary with just a twist of the hips. Giant safety pins to hold together dresses should have cashed their cheques and retired circa Liz Hurley's iconic red carpet moment.
THE WORST: I'm chalking this up to be the worst 'worst' of the year so far. Behold a pregnant Kourtney Kardashian in a Made For Pearl jumpsuit that is most certainly a petri dish for thrush. We have hoof feet, painful-looking cleavage and a rare combination of camel toe and baby bump. If Courtney Stodden was pregnant and had to get hitched, I'm fairly certain this would be her down-the-aisle look.
THE BAD: This is but just one camisole away from being a pass. If Taryn Manning's Orange Is The New Black character was to get out of jail but in a time-travel twist found herself in the early noughties, this is what she'd wear (she'd head straight to the club and get down to Pink's 2001 classic 'Get The Party Started'. Great song).
THE BAD: I'm going to go ahead and present this one without comment. This is Ivone Weldon, aka the woman who the media mistook for Sly's 90-year-old mum Jackie Stallone at this week's Expendables 3 premiere (mistaken for a nonagenarian: that's harsh).
WILD CARD: Here's Rosie Huntington Whiteley doing what she's paid to do like a pro, i.e. wear clothes. She's making this Emilio Pucci dress - which I officially hate and basically consider a ripped up batik nightie that would be bagged if it were to appear on Project Runway - look good.
THE GOOD: I love, love, love the rope shoulders and gorgeous print of actress Chyna Lane's Olori dress. Also of note, her flawless hair and makeup and turquoise nails (an aqua nail is never a bad thing).
THE GOOD: Here we have actress Elisabeth Moss in a lovely-for-a-summer-evening mint green Chloe number (the dress' colour combined with that copper eye makeup means her sea green eyes just jump out at you - in a good, non-horror-movie way). I'm also loving her fresh hair colour - I think she's found her perfect tress tone.
THE GOOD: This Zac Posen dress is veering into both bridesmaid and ballerina territory, but a distinctly not-dancer-esque length, the easy-updo and her gorgeous earrings keep it right on track. Also, this colour is resplendent on a-very-poised-looking Ms Katie Holmes. The only thing I'm not 100 per cent sold on are those dirty silver shoes - but, like the detailing around the bust, I'm almost certain these would have looked far better in person and away from the harsh flash of the red carpet.
THE GOOD: Marion Cotillard has a whispered elegance that is so unaffected and so inherent that she makes even the most contrived details on a dress look natural, as is happening here with this Dior cold-shouldered number. Charming. Oh, and note green nails on her too ... that's it, I'm booking a gel appointment ...
THE BEST: Taylor Swift looks totally timeless in this Monique Lhuillier dress (even more so thanks to her retro side-swept hair and perfectly applied crimson lip). The structure and length of this skirt is hard to pull off - it would swamp so many, and lead to possible pregnancy comparisons for others - but Taylor wears it very well. It's keeping to her style in that it's romantic, but then it's also very chic and not at all twee or precious. I adore it.
Behold the worst-worst of the year so far (yes Kourtney Kardashian, we're looking at you), as well as probably the best-best of the past few months (brava Ms. Taylor Swift).
We haven't touched upon the looks at the Teen Choice Awards this week, as they're all covered here.
In this weekly fashion fest we only bring you the horrors and the hits from the red carpets and only cover events where celebrities know they'll be snapped and critiqued for their fashion (so no Britney leaving Maccas in her trackies.) Why? Well because all humans - even celebs - should be allowed to look rubbish while packing a Quarter Pounder (testify!).