OPINION: Does Lydia Ko make anybody else feel really inadequate, or is it just me, asks Alana Dixon in Uptown Girl.
Now I'm not much of a golf fan. To me, it's up there with cricket and, to a lesser extent, baseball, in terms of not really understanding the attraction. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, whom I believe may have pinched it in turn from Mark Twain, why ruin a good walk?
I did have a wee dabble in the sport many, many moons ago. I think the attraction was mainly because I had a sweet woollen beret I thought would make a good accessory on the course. It was rather jaunty and was very St Andrews of me.
My dabbling also came to an abrupt end when I was whacked in the head with a wood during some school lessons. Lord knows how many brain cells that killed off.
But I am, as ever, getting a little bit off track here.
Obviously Lydia Ko does not share my feelings about golf, as she has dedicated herself to the sport - so much so that she has become the youngest-ever winner of the LPGA. An impressive feat, given she was an amateur up against the world's best, made all-the-more impressive because she didn't even get cranky about being suckered out of the $300,000 prize money. If there's ever a time I would want a set of golf clubs to chuck about, that would be it. I imagine it would be quite satisfying to give a green a nice big thwack in a bid to unleash some pent-up rage.
But no, proving yet again why Lydia Ko is better than me, she graciously said winning was sweet enough and did not run off into the distance with a giant novelty cheque tucked under her arm. Props.
The point I am finally getting to is that at 15, I'm pretty sure all I did was talk on the phone and roll my eyes at my parents and daydream about marrying Prince William.
You'd think being older and *cough cough* wiser, I would have gotten my A into G and actually done something with myself. But now I've fallen back on the excuse that I'm too old to achieve anything impressive like that.
I saw Miss Ko being interviewed, and apparently she's not going to go pro for a couple of years yet. And that means, I figure, I've got a bit of an in. I remember ol' Tiger Woods' caddy, that Kiwi dude whose name I can't remember just now, was New Zealand's highest-paid sportsman at one point.
I think there would be many advantages of being a caddy, besides the financial: there would be plenty of options to accessorise a cute wee polo shirt with, and I would be in charge of the golf bag.
I could toss the odd five-iron (is that a real thing or have I just made it up? Meh) on to the ground in disgust whenever I pleased.
Lydia - call me.
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