Duck-face pouting driving me quackers

JILLIAN ALLISON-AITKEN
Last updated 14:03 08/08/2013

The mornings are chilly, the cat has developed an attitude problem and (at the time of writing) I'm suffering from an attack of the mid-week blahs so I feel it's time for a whinge.

It's been a while since I've had a good old moan about the many and varied things that peeve me and besides, my dear old mum used to say it was a bad idea to keep things bottled up: it leads to headaches, or constipation, or homicidal thoughts . . . or something like that.

Anyway, today's rant is brought to you by the letter A, for attention- seeking Facebook idiots, also known as Facebook whores according to the ever-educational Urban Dictionary. You know the type: they live their lives on Facebook, sometimes chucking in a Twitter/Instagram/Tumblr addiction for good measure.

The "photos" section on Facebook isn't full of cutesy images of their cats and children but is instead bombarded with photo after photo of themselves, dozens (sometimes even hundreds) of photos of themselves.

And strangely, more strangely, every single one of those photos often features the exact same pose, indicating they have spent far too much time gazing at themselves as they perfect their best look: the exact same degree of tilt of the head in every shot coupled with the exact same level of duck-face pout.

The other telling habit of attention- seeking Facebook idiots is the constant posting of "I'm so ugly/no one loves me" status updates in the hopes their 768 close online friends will all respond with an ego-boosting comment of some description. It's called fishing for a compliment and it's nothing new and certainly predates the internet so perhaps it's time they found themselves a new ploy.

But even with the duck-face pouting, the trolling for compliments and the never-ending posts about love and other fluffy stuff, intermingled with semi-literate rants about exes, they still don't bug me as much as those who send blanket invites to anyone and everyone to join in their online games.

I don't play games on Facebook, and I don't want to play games on Facebook. So stop asking me.

On a brighter note, here's a video of a dodgy martial arts demonstration. The "expert" has several cracks at breaking the board before he finally does the job, but in the process he manages to hurt a little girl.

Ouch.

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