Health, Lotto and tolerance

JILLIAN ALLISON-AITKEN
Last updated 15:28 09/01/2014

Well, here we are then, staring down the barrel of a whole new year and marvelling at the fact that we made it through the previous one relatively unscathed.

After my health dramas in 2012, I was pleased to get through last year fairly well intact and with a much healthier heart that I started the year with. In light of that, I've decided to break my own rules and this year have made some New Year's resolutions.

1. Do more of the same: Last year my health had a quite remarkable turn around. I went from someone who was in heart failure and feeling pretty miserable to someone living quite well with heart failure and feeling pretty damn good. I'll have another round of that, please.

2. Win the lottery: I'm feeling so fit and well that I think I need to retire so I can take up some new hobbies, like travelling first class and counting my millions.

3. Learn to be more tolerant: The phone scammers are doing the rounds again and I have decided to try to be more tolerant and patient when they call. After all, they are simply trying to earn a living. So when I next get a phone call from some dodgy dude advising me that my computer has a virus, I won't tell him to insert his head into his anal orifice but will instead have a wee chat with him first. Then I'll tell him where to insert his noggin. However, I will continue to be intolerant of broad beans.

4. Be more organised: If I buy all my socks in the same colour, I'll never have the hassle of odd socks again. And maybe I'll arrange my handbag collection by size. That sounds pretty organised.

5. Broaden my horizons: See resolution No 2. However, there will be no embracing of broad beans in my horizon broadening endeavours.

6. This is where I should put something like "face my fears", but I'm quite happy to accept my fears and move on. Fear of heights? Quite sensible: falling off high things doesn't usually end well. Fear of wasps? Again, quite sensible: they have built-in weapons and an attitude problem. Fear of broad beans? Those things are nasty. Fear of washing machines? Dangerous contraptions: a kid in the United States got stuck in one while playing hide and seek the other day and a drunk Aussie dude got stuck while trying to surprise his missus. Here's a hint: a better surprise involving a washing machine would be to do the washing for her.

Then again, here are some canines facing their fear (the cat) and living to tell the tale:

Bring it on, 2014.

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