As chairman of the European Community I have summoned all you leaders here for an urgent meeting.
OPINION: It appears that New Zealand bureaucrats have infiltrated your countries and changed your building codes so that all buildings must come under a certain standard in case of earthquakes.
Failure to meet those codes will see buildings closed or demolished which would of course devastate the European community as we would need to close so many icons including the Vatican, Tower of London and Lourdes, as well as all the castles, as the cost to bring these up to the standard is prohibitive.
This will put thousands out of work. In addition, millions of people would have to leave their homes and businesses as these too would not meet the standards.
I am aware that these buildings have stood for hundreds of years through wars etc but now these codes are in place we have no choice but to act.
I have been to New Zealand and it appears that more people have drowned over the last 20 years than die from earthquakes but they still allow people to enter the water.
I understand though that legislation from health and safety experts is so extreme that legislation is being put through that will require all New Zealand citizens to wear protective suits filled with cotton wool at least 25cm thick.
This will be strictly enforced on public holidays and anyone whose suit is 4mm too thin will be fined.
S,o my European friends, we have no option.
We need to get the billion people around Europe somewhere safe so I suggest that as it is New Zealand bureaucrats that have caused this problem that we all go there.
The boats are being made ready . . .
- The Southland Times