AWs fashion & football's ugliest strips

Sports retailers are readying to cash in on the Bahrain qualifier. Nobody in this country owns any All Whites merchandise (because, let’s face it, they never play any decent games at home) but everybody will want to feel the part on the night (I’ve just come back from Lambton Quay with my All Whites scarf).

Yellow Fever sold an absurd number of Retro Ricki t-shirts in the couple of days leading up to the LA Galaxy match (Wellington is still scarred by that moment of collective retail brain fade). It will be the same next week. And it is the retro stuff that really sells. There are already various ’82 themed t-shirts and playing shirts being flogged off across Wellington (no, I’m not on commission!).

The retro phenomenon has always befuddled me. Somehow I’ve always struggled to comprehend that something can be trendy on the basis that it no longer is. In this part of the world, we probably have the Beige Brigade to thank for first conquering this inherent contradiction.

In fairness, while the ’82 All Whites strip was let down somewhat by the eras' traditional painted on shorts, it had a kind of timeless simplicity to it – two colours, straight lines, nothing too avant garde. It was a good candidate for renewal, for a second life.

However, there are some past strips that will absolutely never enjoy a revival, no matter how compelling the historic significance of a match or event. In fact, some were so appalling that even in the depths of the fashionless decade that was the 1980s, it is impossible to fathom how they ever came to be conceived, let alone designed produced and marketed.

For starters, I can’t see this dreadful Socceroos 1990 number do a roaring trade in the lead up to South Africa 2010. Even the curse of green and gold can't justify that monstrosity.

This is by no means the world’s first blog on football’s ugliest strips, which is helpful because plenty of the hard, grafting research and archival trawling has already been done - e.g here (European) or here (Scottish) or here (video option).

However, this triumvirate of horror on the right (courtesy of www.thespoiler.co.uk) takes some beating. Shame on you Stockport County, Mexico and Athletico Bilbao.

Back to the present and back to this part of the world. We are very lucky in Wellington. The Phoenix is blessed with one of the classiest football strips on offer.

It will keep and we will be proud to wear it on the 20th anniversary of the franchise (if you're interested The Times Online listed their top 50 strips of all time a couple of years back, with Brazil's 1970 edition taking honours). The same cannot be said for others in the A-League.

Some football fans seem to have developed a soft spot for North Queensland’s tropical green kit. Not me. It’s radioactive.

But, it’s Brisbane Roar that has to have the league’s ugliest strip. Orange is never a good start, but as the Dutch have shown it doesn’t have to be terminal. In 1987, this might have been passable (might), but this its 2009 fellas. Awful.

Final word goes to the 1978 Colarado Caribous of the old North American Soccer League. (Below left.) Just wrong.

Sam Buckle is a New Zealand football fan, pundit and founding member of www.yellowfever.co.nz

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Proud But Willing To Admit   #1   03:44 pm Nov 05 2009

I hate to say it but, Central Coast Mariners have the Best Home Kit in the A-league. And either Newcastle or Adelaide have the best away.

Nix strip is still the sex though.

1977   #2   03:46 pm Nov 05 2009

Please tell me that's the Colorado Caribou's mascot outfit! The best strip is Sampdoria's. I can't tell you the worst as there are so many shockers.

Noshow   #3   03:53 pm Nov 05 2009

Thankfully the All Whites no longer wear the absurd blue and red conconction that Nike unveiled a few years back as the 2nd or 3rd strip.

Someone was really having a laught the day they dreamed that one up.

Personally - and the All White tradionalists will heap scorn on me for saying so - but I don't like the all white strip either and I wonder if we'd all own a jersey if black was the home strip?

Sam Buckle   #4   08:41 pm Nov 05 2009

I thought maybe the Caribous top was a novelty gimmick of some kind, but sadly there is evidence to the contrary - http://mirevolution.net/Staff/Images/TinnionCaribous.jpg

GreenieRootzHardnews   #5   11:25 pm Nov 05 2009

LOL the Colarado Caribous looks like something from Feverishs top draw! Good read and a laught at how simple things can become horrid.

Adam Brown   #6   12:00 am Nov 06 2009

I've got to admit - I used to love the white and black versions of the All Whites kit when Adidas did it in the early 2000s - they were simple but classy.

Chelsea's "Graphite and Tangerine" concoction from the early '90s is an eye opener - http://www.flickr.com/photos/blue_rat/2989788843/

kopite   #7   10:11 am Nov 06 2009

at least the Nix didn't go for this Hull look-a-like strip: http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/hull%20city%20tiger%20kit-thumb-425x272.jpg

Chelsea's bright yellow away kit is pretty bad too.

I know it's a slight change of tack, but i'm picking one of our lads pulls out a crazy hair-do for this game (isn't that what they do to try and get noticed??). I'm picking a Nakata bright red, original Ronaldo fringe only or this: http://media.photobucket.com/image/football%20haircuts/suwarnaadi/ball-buzz.jpg am sure one of them pulled it out at the confed cup 1999

Noshow   #8   04:21 pm Nov 06 2009

Incidentally, the Mexican keeper pictured - Jorge Campos - designed his own strip I believe.

There's no accounting for taste aye?

Cordwainer Bull   #9   11:35 am Nov 13 2009

Waikato FC's current strip, as worn in matches against Auckland, Hawke's Bay and Canterbury so far this summer, is extremely distinctive... perhaps the only orange and grey combination in the history of national league football.

A great conversation piece when the on-field action is naff.

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