Deshis, Proboters and Redheads
I am not sure whether the Test match can sustain a full posting - so I am all over the show today. Bear with me. Thanks to the Sideline Slogger's resident Economist for his professorial efforts in marking my predictions for the weekend. You were harsh but fair.
Unsurprisingly, it was a Test match that lacked atmosphere, with an overwhelming sense of inevitability and déjà vu about it from the toe-curling umpiring decisions (Bell, Oram, Ashraful) to the excruciating top order batting from New Zealand (Cumming, Sinclair), with a couple of century suicides thrown in the mix (Fleming, Vettori).
Highlights from the bank included the B McCullum cut for six that fizzed over the fence into a cricket-watching minstrel’s guitar, the mouths agape as Wonder Woman 
wandered past throughout the day, the calamitous catching from the 'Deshis, and watching men in beige skirts negotiate the testing Basin picket fence with considerable effort and trepidation.
It was a nice touch to have the R.A. Vance Stand flag at half-mast, the players in black armbands and a minute’s silence in honour of Sir Ed’s great life and times. But the dreadful follow-up was this song at a thousand decibels. A shocker, Mr Ground Announcer. The Frankie Stevens national anthem would have done just fine.
Relax - we have our NZ top order batting bolter sorted. Cameron Merchant, a 24-year-old grade cricket legend in Sydney, is coming to New Zealand and will play Test cricket for us within 12 months:
Napper Merchant...[b]orn in Sydney of an Australian father, Russell, a former prominent pace bowler, and New Zealand mother, Margarete, Merchant has discussed a future in New Zealand with Test coach John Bracewell and New Zealand's batting coach - former NSW, West Australian and Manly batsman Mark O'Neill...
Cricket lost a cherished ginger this week with the retirement of Shaun Pollock. Unlike some writers, I am struggling to show too much love to the man. He was what blogger Cricket With Balls brilliantly terms a "proboter": a professional robot cricketer: an excellent player, but lacking in spark, charisma and crowd magnetism:
Their king is Michael Hussey, a man whose talent seems to be only marginally better the average first class cricketer and whose results make Ricky Ponting and Inzy look a little below par. Hussey is not a bad batsmen, his technique is solid enough, his eye pretty sharp, but it’s his instincts as a robot that separate him from the pack. He slogs over midwicket like a normal batsmen, but some how when he does it, it doesn’t have any real danger to it. Only a proboter could suck the fun out of slogging…Shaun Pollock, Stuart Clark and Chaminda Vaas are all bowling machines. Line, length, no real anger, no real emotions, even their celebrations are usually calculated. But they are all wicket machines...
But although the Good Lord taketh away he also giveth: we may have lost Pollock but he is immediately replaced in international cricket by fellow griff, Chris "Buck" Rogers. Demonstrating the terrifying depth of the Australian batting pool, he has 8000 first-class runs and 22 centuries, among them a blistering 219 against Australia for Leicestershire. Not a bad debutant! Rogers is also colour-blind and short-sighted, giving rise to the suspicion that he is actually damn close to being an albino. However, unlike the extremely newsworthy albino penguin of last week's media storm (check out the BYC podcast's tribute song Devil Penguin in Disguise here), Mr Rogers is one bloke lacking in pigment that we won't be fund-raising for.
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Bingo025: That is gold mate, that has altered my view of the man as well. Great stuff - cheers chap.
Great story Bingo25!
The great man Pollock has done great things for SA Cricket, & always brought the results against us.
He's had a good run.
I've just listened to that song, that's truly awful as are the comments below the youtube video.
Jono: Which was worse, honestly? In our defence, at least the Penguuin in Disguise takes the piss...
Pop music star Whitney Houston dies
Hundreds of unfit teachers in class
Kiwis land big Aussie contract
Wellington woman found safe in motel
Kiwi jailed in Australia wins appeal
Volunteers fight fires in a truck that won't stop
Piri Weepu stakes his claim for No 10
Pop music star Whitney Houston dies
Wellington woman found safe in motel
Kiwis finish on a high with Davis Cup wins
Stags beat Auckland in domestic one-day final
India scrape a win over Australia in one-dayer
Bus survivor praises her heroic rescuers
Lydia Ko blitzes amateurs at Australian Open
Paul - In the past I shared your view of Pollock as monotonous wall of cricket who did nothing but get all our players out when we encountered him. However I'm prepared to let all that slide after the last time I saw him play....
Carisbrook. Last time the Saffers were in NZ. The chants from the terrace were almost non-stop in the early overs as we demanded acknowledgement from the square leg ump and third man on the other side of the ground. Having got a wave from pretty much everyone there, we moved on to lowest common denominator-themed taunts. Shaun was an obvious first candidate, and we immediately reminded him of his hair colour, and places it might be growing. Success was almost instant. Shaun, stationed square of the wicket on the terrace side, turned to face us in mock surprise. He then pulled at the elastic on his trousers making an obvious but private inspection of the situation downstairs. He looked back, gave us a cracking grin and a thumbs up. The crowd went ballistic. Magnetism worthy of a free beer if ever see him again.