10 tips to avoid a flogging by the flowers
BY PAUL HOLDENThere are things New Zealand can do to beat South Africa's Proteas other than pray for invasions by dogs or raindrops - although I note that last time I checked it was thunderstorms and lightning, very, very frightening over there.
Here's a quick 10 to consider - feel free to chip away with your own...
* 
See if we can arrange to play somewhere other than Centurion. Too late for this of course but it would be nice as the Africans have beaten us there all three times we've played. Let's at least pray we have packed our economy rates in our coffins as we've conceded 314 and 324 in front of the grassy embankments of the ground formerly known as SuperSport Park.
* Eradicate legside addict and compulsive puller Graeme 'Le Muppet' Smith early. Might be worth putting 5 bucks on him to be dismissed bowled too: he is 4th on the all-time list of most likely to get out in that fashion (27% of all his ODI dismissals).
* Not succumb to the skiddy pace of the man who looks like Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden, Dale Steyn. We shouldn't either - his only return against us in ODIs is 2/50 from 9 overs although he did snare both openers that day back in December 2007.
* Whoooooh big ol' Jesse Ryder to make his debut against South Africa in one-dayers with an innings to remember, punctuated with limited running between the wickets, cheeky grins, crashing drives, Kluseneresque slogs, and a memorable bandanna.
* Put pressure on AB de Villers - he is the South Africans' banker in terms of runs. He has scored several bucketloads more than the other financial services institution in the Protea line-up, Jacques Kallis.
*Remember that despite having mowed down 300+ a few times, it is an urban myth that we are particularly brilliant at epic run chases. In fact, if we get pumped for more than a run-a-ball we are much more likely to lose. Of 26 chases of 300 or more, we've only ever won outright 3 times (all against Australia at home), plus the famous D/L win against Shaun Pollock at Wanderers and the tie against the Poms in Napier. 80 per cent of the time we lose.
* Pick this XI: McCullum, Ryder, Guptill, Taylor, Oram, Elliott, Broom, Vettori, Mills, Butler, Bond. Tuffey very unlucky but Mills deserves first crack. If Son of Rodney Redmond was in the squad he would open for my XI, with McCullum back down the order and probably Broom on the bench. On form, Oram should probably bat just behind Bond.
* Make sure we get more than 40 from Johan Botha's 10 overs. I was not awake to see it but although he got whacked for 53 from his 9 overs this morning, he apparently bowled pretty well. We should also make sure don't let him get away with throwing his doosra delivery and play forward defensives to the arm ball he loves to fizz through.
* Squeeze a hell of a lot more runs out of Jacob Oram - in 2009 he is averaging an excruciating 10.17 with the bat. Mr McCullum's 24.47 is not exactly keeping Mr Steyn awake at night this week either.
* Break out of what can politely be called a worrying form slump - NZ has lost 7 of its last 8 ODIs in 2009. South Africa on the other hand has won 6 of its last 8 this year.
- © Fairfax NZ News
Sponsored links
Newest First
Oldest First
move McCullum down the order, chuck elliot at three, and pray that South Africa dont destroy us!!!
I have faith though, we can do it!!!
I like the look of that XI Holden, they should do the business for us. A one-off and nothing to lose.
Yes get McCullum back down the order, Tuffey the strong back-up on the bench. Redmond the wild card - I like the way he stepped in at short notice for us over in England and performed (even if it was weak opposition)
Holden, Steyn has an average of just 16 in 5 tests vs NZ, 36 wickets with 4 five wicket bags and 2 ten wicket bags. He also has a ODI average of 27. He is world class. But dreams are free though.
It's all about each player being accountable. They all have a job to do so if NZ bowl first the onus is on the openers to lead the way with dot balls and hopefully the dismissal of the openers, and the fielders to restrict runs (1 run instead of 2).
Our opening batsmen need to keep cool heads and don't play at balls they don't need to, ala Fleming. If the openers are good for 100-150 (within the first 25-30 overs) that takes some of the pscyhological pressure off the middle order. Cliche I know, but it needs to be put into practice. Go the Black Caps!!
Well with Jake and Butler ruled out, that brings the Mitsubishi and Hightower back in, unless they go for 2 spinners?
MacCullum, Ryder, Guptill, Taylor, Elliott, Broom, Diamanti, Vettori, Mills, Tuffey/Patel, Bond.
We have to bowl first, that batting lineup won't be causing Smith to wake up early this morning in a cold sweat.
11. Pummel that short little angry muppet, van der Merwe. It used to be that the likes of little Richard Ponting and Shane Watson were my most hated cricketers but this Roland character takes the biscuit. Anyone else with me?
Feels aggrieved when any ball that lands on the cut strip doesn't get a wicket, feels like he is owed 10 maidens and any batsmen daring to score off him is disrespectful and celebrates any wicket like he has finally been offered a bit of luck after all those previous said balls on the cut strip.
JP/Eddy: Pessimism is free too - I thought this was one-dayer with a red ball on a dead deck. A bowling average of 27 is not exactly earth-shattering - but if you wanted to build on your pessimism have a look at his record at Centurion.
Holden, How you write off a world class bowler after 1 one day match is beyond me. Or most others. And you're also saying when he got those 36 wickets in tests the wickets weren't dead? C'mon. p.s. (one dayers have white balls)
so with Oram out who is the back up top 6 batsman? Oh thats right we dont have one and now we're going into the match one batsman light...
10 tips to beat SA:
Tips 1-10 bowl them out byt bowling tightly as a unit!
Sadly here's a scary stat courtesy of cricinfo: Among New Zealand's current batsmen, Brendon McCullum averages the highest in South Africa. He's scored 237 runs in 10 innings at an average of 26.33.
Oh dear when McCullum has the highest average among our current batsman you know it ain't pretty.