11.05am: And London's skyline lights up, the athletes dance, Annie Lennox is on stage. Boom, basically. Boom. The end.
11.02am: Roger Daltry's hair is awesome.
11am: One final act. The WooooooWho. Baba O'Riley again.
10.59am: Symbolically, the Phoenix flame lady thingy is leaving. And out goes the Olympic flame.
10.54am: There's a flying fiery Phoenix person coming into the stadium. Ready the extinguishers.
10.53am: Take That are on stage, led by Gary Barlow. Only last week he and his wife suffered a tragedy when their baby was stillborn.
10.49am: The Olympic flame is lowered, with a phoenix rising up.
10.48am: Jacques closes the London 2012 Olympics. Prince Harry claps.
10.46am: Jacques says he will never forget the "smiles" of the volunteers. That's nice. And again with passion Jacques.
10.42am: Coe: We witnessed ''moments of heroism and heartbreak that will live on'' and ''inspire a generation''.
''When our time came, Britain, we did it right.''
10.39am: Coe thanks London, the volunteers, its residents etc... you get the picture.
10.38am: There's no show without the Wax Work. You guessed it, Jacques Rogge is back. London 2012 chairman Sebastian Coe gets to go first though.
10.37am: The world's greatest footballer, Pele, is revealed. He's doing some uncle dancing too. Their Logo is quite nice.
10.30am: We're being welcomed to Rio. Is that Miss World or Miss Universe dancing? Odd.
10.29am: We have a tap dancing street sweeper and security guard. Where's Jacques? He should do some. No, we're going carnival now.
10.26am: London's mayor Boris Johnson is on stage, small Olympic flag in hand, with Jacques Rogge. He's handed it to Jacques, he does move. Hell, he's nearly animated.
The Brazilian national anthem, it's quite jaunty. Roll on Rio in 2016.
10.25am: The Olympic flag has been lowered. We're feeling a bit sad. We want more Olympics now.
10.21am: Things are dulled somewhat by the Greek national anthem.
10.20am: Jessie J can play a hell of an air guitar.
10.18am: Brian May is being joined by Roger Taylor on drums and Jessie J is back wearing a long yellow cape. They're rocking us.
10.17am: Brian is going to make his fingers bleed. I wonder how old Jacques Rogge is enjoying this?
10.15am: We get to have our cake and eat it too... Brian May and his incredible white mane are on the stage. This is such undeniable cheese - it's brilliant.
10.14am: Stuff Brian May, they've got Freddy Mercury on the big screen from his appearance at Wembley.
10.12am: They really are taking this to another level. Fire, the stage is on fire. Glam rock can't live without fire.
10.11am: This needs Brian May. That's what this needs. Are those backing singers doing the Haka?
10.10am: Muse sing the London 2012 anthem - it's complete glam rock tosh, but quite enjoyable all the same. Those backing singers look fired up. Guitar solo!
10.06am: They just fired a guy out of canon. Stop, they fired Eric Idle out of canon. Tricky. Always look on the bright side of life... beep. The crowd love it. He's surrounded by nuns showing their underpants, jigging roman centurions and sexy angels. He's got very thin legs, Eric Idle. Like twigs.
10.02am: Music nerds, it's ELO's Mr Blue Sky. There ain't a cloud in sight, it's not raining... running down the avenue. Completely underrated.
9.58am: The appearance of Liam Gallagher whining out Wonderwall has sent everyone back to their seats. He does look older.
9.56am: Hells, they've barely aged. Watch it Victoria, hang on, that cab is moving.
9.55am: Black cabs deliver the Spice Girls. Tell us what you really want. Let's hope Posh doesn't sing. The women in our office have gathered around the TVs.
9.49am: Taio Cruz, another rapper, sings his hit Dynamite. Disturbingly, my boss says his kids sang it at their school Xmas party last year.
9.47am: Rapper Tinie Tempah, real name Patrick Okogwu, joints the party. Patrick, you can see why he has a stage name.
9.45am: Jessie J appears in nude tights and a Bentley singing her hit Price Tag - what price the Olympics?
9.44am: Everyone is uncle dancing.
9.42am: Norman Cook, aka Fatboy Slim, rids us of the Brand curse. We love his shirt. He and George Michael could do uncle dancing together.
An giant octopus is engulfing Russell Brand's bus - let's hope he's onboard.
9.41am: OK, enough of Russell miming.
9.38am: Willy Wonka, yes. No!!!!!!!!!!! Russell Brand doing Willy Wonka. Now he's doing I am the Walrus - kind of fitting the line: "I am the egg man".
9.33am: Everyone’s favourite redhead Ed Sheeran leaves behind his Harry Potter look-a-like mate (Rupert Grint) in that creepy video to join Pink Floyd belting out Wish You Were Here. Oddly, someone is walking the tight-rope above them. Sorry, we've worked it out - the flaming man. Nice. Very nice.
9.29am: A ghost ship enters, Annie Lennox hugs the bow like a ghoulish Kate Winslet. The stadium takes on a hellish red hue. Her dance companions flail about the place.
9.27am: George Michael, you need strutting lessons from Kate and Naomi.
9.24am: It's a Thin White Duke montage. Have they managed to get the real David Bowie to perform? No, they're dragging in large pictures of Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell. Ah, the fashion metaphor. And there the real models are. Kate dazzling in gold.
9.22am: Motorcycles carry in the Kaiser Chiefs who are tackling The Who's Pinball Wizard. Roger, come in Roger.
9.21am: We're trying to work out what George's lassoo move is about.
9.15am: George says we're at the ''centre of the universe'' and then does some uncle dancing. Strut George, strut.
9.13am: George Michael, recovered from his recent bout of pneumonia, draws the crowd into singing his hit Freedom and the song's title is flashed around the stadium. George looks fetching in black leather.
9.10am: Behind the choir, a bust of Lennon is formed. Apparently, Yoko Ono provided some inspiration.
9.08am: A short burst of Bohemian Rhapsody is followed by a choir of school children singing John Lennon's Imagine. Lennon joins in, flashing up on the big screen; frozen in time.
9.03am: The crowd falls silent as the Beatles' Here Comes the Sun rings out and the volunteers are congratulated. There were an estimated 70,000 volunteers.
9.01am: Jacques delivers the gold medal to Stephen Kiprotich.
8.56am: The Rubik's cube pieces are being made into a pyramid, though it's a tad dark so it's hard to see. British gold medallist Jessica Ennis' beaming face is flashed to the stadium. A roar. And then we're having the marathon medal ceremony. Jacques Rogge has ditched Prince Harry to do his thing. Now is your chance Harry, run for it.
8.52am: The athletes are in and the crowd roar. Performers rise to the top of the stage with what look like giant Rubik's cube pieces. Kate Bush can be heard in the background. But is she there? It appears not.
8.42am: Hold the line callers, the athletes are still filing in, biting their medals if they have them, and generally look quite delighted to be at the end of it all.
8.38am: Iconic Brit band Elbow belt out their hit One Day Like This... "It's looking like a beautiful day..." as the athletes hold their phones a loft and take pics of the crowd taking pics of them.
8.37am: The Conga line is up and running.
8.31am: The flags bearers are welcomed into the stadium. Nick Willis, where are you? We stand corrected, Mahe Drysdale, where are you? And now the athletes. It's time for them to party.
8.25am: Emeli Sande, she can sing. "Come on, read all about it" she gloriously intones. We're tearing up a bit here as giant images from the Games are flashed up.
A colleague says the following: "I'm always a bit vulnerable first thing in the morning. I don't want to see people crying." Thank you Guy MacGibbon.
8.24am: May be his sounding a little bad adds some pathos. I think it does. He's certainly better than the Pet Shop Boys.
8.22am: Ray Davies of the Kinks, looking a little worse for wear (is his hair real?) sings Waterloo sunset. Help him out, he's having some trouble.
8.20am: A bit of Beatles, Day in the Life, with acrobats doing their thing. Spine tingly stuff.
8.17am: Those percussionists are back, with rubbish bins. I fear for the (tidy) streets of London. Will there be panic? See what I did there?
8.17am: One Direction. I'm not going to say anything; taste is a personal thing.
8.13am: Now it's the Pet Shop Boys in pointy hats - to be honest, they sound awful live. It's not terribly surprising.
8.12am: Now it's those guys what wear the fluffy hats and stand outside the Queen's place doing a bit of Blur. The Brits love their Blur.
8.10am: The saxophonist, what is he doing? He's in the air, it's Madness. Jacques must be loving it.
8.09am: Madness roll in to the stadium, our house in the middle of the street - sing along, you want to... Our house... We're already having fun here.
8.07am: Prince Harry and that ole wax work Jacques Rogge are welcomed to the stadium. Harry is going to have a great night sitting next to ole Jacques. God Save the Queen rings out.
8.05am: Winston Churchill, played by Timothy Spall, pops out of the top of Big Ben to deliver a monologue before a day-in-the-life of London unfolds below.
8.03am: A choir sings as percussionists hang from the London eye slowly tapping away.
8.01am: A replica of central London fills the central stadium and Big Ben rings out.
7.59am: And it's The Who's Baba O'Riley to begin the countdown.
7.56am: Ah, sweeping shots of London. Doesn't it look a picture. "When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life"...
Strap yourselves in, the London 2012 Olympic ceremony promises a feast of celebrated Brit pop and the unique, er, talents of the reunited Spice Girls.
Expected to join them from around 8am (NZ time) are Queen guitarist Brian May, Annie Lennox and George Michael, One Direction, Muse, Ed Sheeran and no doubt the oldest of campaigners, Sir Paul McCartney.
Famous London landmarks like Tower Bridge, the London Eye, parliament's Big Ben Clock Tower and St Paul's Cathedral have been replicated for the action.
Join us for live commentary as plenty more pieces of British whimsy are featured and a dull speech or two - yep, old Olympic wax work, Jacques Rogge, will be limbering up again.
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