England fans gluttons for punishment

BY PETER LAMPP

OPINION: Spare a thought for the long-suffering English rugby supporters.

Almost every time their Sweet Chariots play the All Blacks they know a loss is inevitable, that after halftime the colonials will slip into overdrive and gallop away to yet another win.

That's exactly what happened yesterday at Twickers. And the All Blacks had only to turn on a seven-out-of-10 performance to win comfortably by 19-6.

This was an England team desperate for redemption after being panned by the Fleet Streeters.

But we have to give the Pommie fans credit.

They turn up week after week, 75,000 of them.

They jam themselves into trains at Waterloo like sardines and wend their way through the suburban streets of Twickenham knowing they'll be watching less than exhilarating rugger from their All Whites.

Eight losses in a row is England's worst losing trot against anyone and yet they still do not respect our prowess.

Despite that, when Daniel Carter missed those two gimme kicks in the first half, horror thoughts of breaking the duck surfaced – 6-all wasn't a good look.

Absolutely no-one wants to lose to England and it is always a relief to get them out of the way.

Maybe it's a hangover from the British Empire era, from the land of glory and too much hope; but their superior old-boy mindset when they win one paltry game, as they did at Wellington in 2003, rankles.

Our guys haven't lost at Twickenham since John Mitchell, on one of his journeys, took a stack of newbies there in 2002.

Coach Graham Henry might have his faults, but his All Blacks haven't lost on one of these tours to Europe in six years.

Marseilles is a less than appetising French city and the Frenchies lie in ambush next Sunday morning. Obviously, the All Blacks' hairy organisation behind all the quick ball they won yesterday was to confuse the Gallics.

Maybe the ABs will rumble the ball up more often at Marseilles than they did yesterday.

TV commentator Justin Marshall, one of those Anglicised All Blacks who has spent too long over there, kept praising England for being positive and also commented on "Argentinia".

He was also easy on his equally feral Southland chum, Jimmy Cowan, who wasted ball by taking a step before passing, was charged down and then gave away a brainless penalty for a facial after the whistle.

England's fatties are chubbier than ours, but never match the ABs' aggressive defence at rucks.

The Englanders don't enjoy being separated from the white herd and quickly seek the comfort of their fellows' bosoms while our forwards can run and pass.

It was a blight on the game when Jonny Wilkinson, the kicking relic, drop-kicked when hot on attack and missed, only a few metres from the tryline.

The Turbos would drop-kick any player in the gluteus maximus who tried a prehistoric stunt like that.

Jonny only passed the ball when he was going right because he is such a left footer.

Our Dan Carter was up and down, but his ups were brilliant.

England centre Hipkiss had no idea when the brilliant Sivivatu, Muliania and Carter got out of the blocks (notice how Sivi puffed his cheek in synch with Hayley Westenra's singing so he didn't have to sing the anthem).

England tried, but not as well as the Welsh did.

Maybe the Baabaas will spin the pill in the revenue-gatherer game at Twickers in two weeks' time.

And maybe Dingo will spin after the Wallabies' loss to Scotland.

- © Fairfax NZ News