John Terry hits a skanky low

Terry stripped of England captaincy

OH DEAR ME: Chelsea and, and now sacked England captain John Terry.

Reuters

BEAUTIFUL TEMPTRESS?: Lingerie model Vanessa Perroncel is at the centre of a scandal involving Chelsea football captain John Terry.

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OPINION: It's the great thing about the Premier League innit? You get your dose of sports and celebrity gossip at the same time.

The John Terry story, as with all human misery, is selling papers by the forestful. There's the nice guy, Wayne Bridge. There's the cad, JT. There's the cad's devastated wife Toni and three-year-old twins, who've sped off to Dubai to escape the press and the stress with a few days sun and shopping. Only to be followed by the remorseful JT and the press.

And finally there's the beautiful temptress, lingerie model Vanessa Perroncel, close friend of Toni and the other Chelsea WAGS. Is she a victim, left all on her lonesome while her man, Bridge, spent too many nights larging it up with the lads? Did he, in fact, drive her into the arms of his best friend? Or is she just another gold-digging, attention-seeking, ladder-climbing slapper who'd shag anything in a Rolex?

As the papers keep rolling off the press, the general opinion is forming that the French beauty is more likely the latter. She'd gone to considerable lengths to put herself in the "shop window" for the Chelsea boys, scoring a job in the club VIP lounge, where she poured drinks and mixed with the players and their WAGS.

She'd get paid well, but big tips wasn't all she was after. She wanted a massive passive income, so she joined the Chelsea gym and fitness centre, where the targets of her intentions could get a better look at their prey. Or, as they discovered, their predator.

Her tactics paid off handsomely, and over time she snared her own international five-a-side team of Chelsea stars. Her team certainly seems nicely balanced, consisting of two international defenders Bridge and Terry, the Icelander Eidur Gudjohnsen, who can play in midfield, and the Romanian striker Adrian Mutu. The players carry plenty of their own baggage, with Mutu being banned for snorting cocaine, and Gudjohnsen cheating on his own wife and losing 400,000 while gambling during a five-month injury layoff.

And captain JT, the alpha male, has misdemeanours for Africa, including, most shockingly for Bridge, impregnating Vanessa and paying for her abortion. Bridge, the one with whom she has a child, is thus far squeaky clean.

The identity of the fifth player in Vanessa's line-up remains an mystery, and players are rushing to discount themselves from selection. Didier Drogba, Marcel Dessailly, and Michael Essien have all denied involvement with the femme fatale. It would be no surprise – given the young woman's clear aptitude for picking a side – that once all the denials come in the last man standing will be a goalkeeper, even though first choice gloveman Peter Cech also counts himself out. Mmm, her team might be slightly weak in goal then.

More trees are felled to remind us that Terry and Bridge are team-mates in the England squad, and may both be required for the World Cup in South Africa. Will Bridge withdraw from the team? Will Terry resign the captaincy? And how will (you couldn't make this up) Catholic coach Fabio Capello, a strong anti-abortionist, feel about Terry facilitating the taking of a human life?

Now we know. Yesterday Capello sacked JT as skipper replacing with him that other pillar of society Rio Ferdinand.

And JT is also humiliated when it's exposed he paid Vanessa 400,000 to keep her mum about the whole thing. Whoops!

JT, suddenly devastated by what he's done to his family, his friend, and his sponsorship deals, had a takeaway Thai (dinner, not massage) after Toni skipped town! Meanwhile, Toni, during a Gulf shopping spree apparently designed to hit JT where it hurts (in the pocket, again!), was seen anxiously checking her mobile! Toni has become a brunette, some say to look more like her love rival!

And Vanessa is experiencing serious climate change from megastar Cheryl Cole, wife of Chelsea player Ashley Cole and lead WAG, who's giving her the big freeze! Vanessa denies relationship with Chelsea stars! Or at least some of them! Breaking news! Toni's decided to give JT another chance "for the sake of the kids"! Hot off the trees!

Enough's enough. Who is Hull playing this weekend?

Billy Harris is a former All White.

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