Gay ref: Rugby has accepted me

Openly gay test referee Nigel Owens wonders if his sexuality would have been as accepted by the soccer community as it has been by the rugby fold.

The Welsh test referee has just released an autobiography called Half Time where he details the turmoil of admitting his sexuality while being in a high profile role in international sport.

"You do get the odd few who shout the odd things from the crowd - but most of that is still in good banter," he said.

"I have been lucky. Everybody from supporters to players to coaches to administrators have all been very supportive.

"There are obviously people who may feel uncomfortable with it but they are very few and far between and you've got to respect the way they think about people as well."

He admits he was surprised how the rugby world did react.

"I think it shows that, especially in Wales, how close a community rugby is. This is not against football (soccer) in any way because I like watching football.

"But I think when you think of spectators in football - if I was a football referee it would be more difficult to go and referee in football matches than it is in rugby matches."

Owens told the BBC that he "took some convincing" to write the book in which he says how being gay drove him to take an overdose and if a police helicopter had not found him he would have died.

"I was a person that I did not want to be - that's what got me down. I wanted a normal way of life, to get married and have children and stuff like that.

"Looking back now I could have [told parents and friends] - when I did they were all great about it - but it was in an era when it was a difficult thing to be.

"It got me down so much that I just could not cope anymore. I thought there was only one way out of this and that's foolishly what I tried to do.

"I got up early in the morning - left the house - left a note for my parents - and I walked and walked for ages. I landed up trying to take an overdose."

His parents found the note and the police were alerted.

"I was airlifted to hospital, spent four or five days there, and then coming out I was embarrassed about what I had done and ashamed.

"When I saw my parents crying from what I had done it made me so ashamed to put them through that. When you are in that frame of mind there is nothing you can do - I think the only way out of it is to tell people, talk to people and friends and family can help you out of it.

"I think it was a turning point - it made me realise it's time you grew up, accepted who you were and got on with your life and make the most of it."

It still took him several more years to tell his parents and friends.

"Actually saying those three little words "I am gay" was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.

"I would rather referee in front of a passionate 80,000 crowd and give a last minute penalty than do that again. I told my mum - we both shed a tear but nothing changed."

- © Fairfax NZ News