Ten reasons why the Wallabies will beat the ABs
BY PETER FITZSIMONS
GRAFFITI: A member of the public complians after Rocky Elsom of the Wallabies scrawled all over her new jersey.
OPINION: Peter FitzSimons has the distinction of being the only Wallaby ever sent off against the All Blacks - something of which he is absurdly and tragically proud. Here, he tells us why Australia will topple New Zealand at Etihad Stadium in Melbourne tonight.
1 It's about bloody time. The Wallabies are too good a side, with too good a coach, to lose against the All Blacks EIGHT times in a row. It is against the natural order of things for a group of New Zealanders to beat a group of Australians at anything even once, and when it comes to losing at rugby that many times, surely the heavens themselves will revolt, the seas will rise, the sky fall in, before it will happen.
2 The Wallabies are rising fast. George Bernard Shaw once said: "Wagner has some wonderful moments ... but some terrible half hours!" and the same may be said of the Wallabies in the latter part of last year, and a couple of their early Tests this year. But on their last outing, against the Springboks last week, the Wallabies had a couple of wonderful half hours and only a few terrible moments. They're on the run-in to the World Cup now, and it was always going to be around now that it all started coming together. The signs are that it is happening!
3 The All Blacks are starting to fall away. How do I know that? Because there is no way they can possibly play better, ever, than they did against the Springboks in their past two Tests. Yes, of course they were completely devastating in those matches: rolling thunder in the forwards, lightning in the backs, all put together making a perfect storm that blew the South Africans away. But think of it mathematically. This year the All Blacks were always going to play "X" minutes of absolutely stupendous rugby. Now, we meet them at a time when there is only ''X less 320'' minutes of perfect rugby left in them! There has to be some dud rugby ahead from them!
4 Our forward pack is getting better. And I know that from similar reasoning to that above. It was not so long ago that with a collapsing scrum and a dud lineout, they simply couldn't get any worse, meaning the only way was up - and so it has proved. In the past two Tests, particularly, the Wallabies forwards have not only been competent, they have very nearly been bloody good!
5 Our depth. What does it say to you when we lose a player like Quade Cooper at five-eighth, and you not only have a genius the calibre of Matt Giteau to move into that position, but you get a refreshed Berrick Barnes coming off the bench?
6 Will Genia. The halfback was a revelation for Queensland this year, the heart and soul of the side, and he was sorely missed by the Wallabies when absent through injury at the start of the season. But he's baaaaaaaack! He demonstrated last week just how good he is and, with that run under his belt, this week he can make a statement to take his place on the Rugby Rushmore of the Halfback Greats, beside the likes of Ken Catchpole, Nick Farr-Jones and George Gregan.
7 We have their plans! After that photo of the piece of paper with a couple of the All Blacks moves on it was published, Robbie Deans has been no doubt up all night all week with a magnifying glass decoding the whole thing, before distributing it to the Wallabies. We'll know what they're going to do before they do! (Not really. That whole notion is absurd. But the more we play it up big, the more it plays with their minds.)
8 With victory, the Wallabies will be ''moving Australia forward'' and ''taking real action'' all in one, so you know it's a good idea!
9 David Bloody Pocock. He belted the bejeesus out of the Springboks' back row last weekend up in Brisbane and now it is the All Blacks' turn to get their medicine. Hold still, Richie, this won't hurt a bit. Not much, anyway.
10 It's simple. We're Australians. They're Kiwis. We're better than they are!
- © Fairfax NZ News
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I look forward to next weeks article Peter. Heres' an idea for the title "38 reasons why we lost". Thats how many you are going to concede against the Blacks.
To SMH editorial staff. Lets have more of Fitzsimmons. Even the Kiwi's like him.
Aussies.... unbiased and insightful as always. You have to admire their spirit
So Lara Bingle's got a wig and is stalking Rocky?
I wouldn't write off the wannabies completely but i think thats a pretty big call. As long as the ABs stick to the game plan i think we will roll them. But in saying that the aussies are long overdue to win a game against us, and there current form aint to bad. However our forward pack is very strong and is goin to destroy them up front opening the game up for us to run in another bonus point win and firm our grip on the competition. All Blacks 32 - Wannabies 15 GO THE ALL BLACKS!!!
Always rely on Peter Fitzsimmons to spice things up...good stuff again.
Pity that many of you have the sense of humour of a piece of cheese...and to think if the Aussies do manage a win then perhaps you dour, humourless, over sensitive rugby types might even apologise to him.
That would be funny!!!!
Go Fitzy! Fitzy for NZ Prime Minister I say. The man is a living legend. I've watched him enough on Aussie telly to know, he would have loved to have worn the silver fern and do the haka. Totally agree with JonKey #1, at least Fitzy respects the ABs, not like that idiot, Stephen Jones.
Love your work Fitz :-), yourself and Pete Roebuck the only Aussie sport scribes worth reading, enjoy the game, lets hope its a cracker, AB's to win of course....
This is a 'tongue in cheek' article people- Its supposed to be light hearted!! Neanderthal NZ rugby fans just don't get it....all the howls of outrage....
Peter Fitzsimmons....what a character!!
Knows his rugby, always respectful, thoroughly entertaining!
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@ Lok #59 I think the concept of satire has been lost on your part. I was merely poking a bit of fun by exaggerating the lack of depth in Australia. How about you lighten up a bit eh?!
Peter Fitzsimmons, you're a funny Aussie bloke! I think the game will be close but I hope the All Blacks continue the Bledisloe torture for the Wallabies by winning tonight.