Open book on Agassi

BY MICHAEL DONALDSON

It's 6am where I am, 9am in Las Vegas where Andre Agassi comes to the phone.

He apologises. He has yet to have his first coffee of the morning. He's a coffee obsessive, apparently having once searched the known world for the best coffee bean.

I too have yet to caffeinate for the day. "This could be a disaster," I say.

It's not. Agassi is too professional, too charming. I warm to him instantly, especially when he tells me the reason he's even doing this one interview in New Zealand is because he loves this country, having been here to go heli-boarding. "It left an indelible mark on me," he says. And the Kiwi tennis players he played with – Russell Simpson, Kelly Evernden, Brett Steven – "had a great style".

But we're here to talk about Agassi's autobiography, which I can only describe as one of the best sports books I've read. It's so tightly-paced, so ripe with revelation, it reads like a thriller.

There's all the dirt on his short-lived marriage to actress Brooke Shields, the emotional breakdown and drug-taking spiral of 1997, the pursuit of Steffi Graf and honest insights into his rivals.

There's also a great handfuls humour, such as dealing with his hair loss and the startling revelation that he won the 1999 French Open without wearing underwear.

The story goes that he forgot to pack underwear for his first round match and because he's superstitious, once he won, he kept going "commando" for the rest of the tournament.

"It was just one of those things. And to be quite honest it was hard for me to stop over the summer. You really don't forget how it felt emotionally, how it felt physically," he says with a laugh.

But the autobiography is far from a collection of amusing anecdotes, it's a compelling journey into the dark side of tennis through the eyes of a boy who didn't want to make that particular trip.

The first part of the book deals with Agassi's relationship with his violent, hard-boiled father. Here, ghost writer, Pulitzer prize-winning author, JR Moehringer exquisitely evokes the tension that covered the Agassis' lives like the dead hawks on the wooden tiled roof of their house in the Las Vegas desert.

Agassi's punishing training regime at the hands of his father was bad enough but he also had to watch, and suffer, irrational, seemingly random violence. I ask him if the memory of his father's violence still frightens him.

"It doesn't frighten me any more – the most frightening aspect of life is what you don't know, what you don't understand – but as a seven, eight, nine, 10-year-old, if you see your father knock someone out in the middle of the street it leaves a mark on you.

"But as I got older I started to understand his journey. He was from what he called the old country, he was a Christian Armenian growing up in Muslim Tehran. His mother, as a punishment, would make him wear girls clothes so he would walk to school and get in fights, he would walk home and get in fights, he saw the world as something you had to fight. Later he put that to formal training and got into boxing, another form of violence. And then he came to America, not speaking much English and raised four kids. He never had the privilege of choice in his life."

The once affectionless father and hate-filled son have repaired their relationship and I wonder if writing the book helped Agassi deal with his upbringing.

"I knew I had a story to tell but I wasn't sure what my story was because you don't have the time to turn the lens on yourself when you lead that whirl of a life in tennis.

"I needed tranquility and time, and once I had that, it was like playing a hard match. I prepared and I dug in and while it was tough at times [to write the book] I tried to remove as much emotion as possible, which is difficult, in order to understand and communicate the journey I have lived. As a result of doing that I'm more at peace with what I've been through.

"Where I've put it now is pretty healthy place and my father and I are closer than we've ever been – we hug and convey our affections for each other, which is a nice thing.

"I've learned to understand and forgive my father."

IT SEEMS Agassi's story should be a cautionary tale for any parent who thinks they can metaphorically bludgeon their child towards success but Agassi doesn't see it as a warning.

"I don't know if you're able to really communicate effectively to someone who has predetermined what success is. If, as a father, you define success as your child being No1 in the world I don't know if there's a message can penetrate that."

Anyway, I observe, someone who wanted their child to succeed might conclude from the book that Mike Agassi's methods were justified.

"A lot of people conclude that – my father concluded that! He wanted the American dream for his children, he wanted them to have a life different to his. I don't think anything justifies his actions but the book helps to explain them."

Of course, there is a happy ending to Agassi's tormented life as champion tennis player who hated the game and resented the life his father had chosen for him. It reminds me of the autobiography of cricketer Peter Roebuck, who described the love-hate relationship he had with his father, who forced him to practise cricket for hours on end as a child. Roebuck hated his father for what he put him through but also came away with an abiding love of cricket.

Agassi too, eventually ended up falling in love with tennis.

"The worry I have is that people don't fully understand that full circle, that coming around, because it wasn't until I chose tennis and took ownership of my life that tennis started to give me things to balance those scales. When it gave my school here in Las Vegas [for under-privileged children] it gave me something to play for that was connected to me but much bigger than me.

"And then it gave me my wife and all of a sudden I realised I had time to spend with my children because of the blessed circumstances I live in. There are so many reasons that tilt the scales of that love-hate, or should I say hate-love. Sure I had a lot of angst and there were so many times I hated the game, which confused me, and I hated all the contradictions I went through as a result of that. But I eventually came to terms with all that and now I have real appreciation and, it's fair to say, love of tennis."

THERE IS still plenty of tennis rage scattered throughout the book and one of the more stunning revelations is how much Agassi was upset by the way Michael Chang attributed his success to God.

"It was always a bit curious to me, that if you believe in a god, how that god could care whether the ball was in or out. For me, it was always about god helping you get through the results of life, not controlling what happens in life. I always took issue with it and was always offended by it – it was hard for me to stomach and it was at the front of my mind every time I played Chang and honestly every time I looked at him."

There is rage too in the what Agassi describes as the "loneliness" of tennis, of being stuck on your own side of the net and unable to have any physical contact with your opponent.

"It wasn't an emotion that was easy for me, when I felt that rage, that anger. There were times I repressed that rage and others when I tried to use it and then resented myself for it; I never knew how to deal with it. But as I got older and the scales got balanced and the hate was turning to love, I realised it wasn't a battle with someone else, it was battle with yourself. I never lost my killer instinct but it was redirected.

"Tennis is lonely. I don't think any sport teaches you more than tennis does because you're out there alone, you can't pass the ball, you can't call timeout, you can't build a lead and run out the clock. You have to find a way to get over that finish line and deal with the circumstances you have; it's problem solving at its finest."

OF COURSE, the most controversial thing in the book is the admission by Agassi he took crystal meth. I'm interested in his reaction to the reaction, which has been fierce.

"I wasn't surprised by the reaction. I have a clear understanding of how someone would feel angered by it and disappointed by it – you have to remember I lived years feeling angry at myself and disappointed at myself so the reaction doesn't surprise me. It took me years to process and it will take people time to process the shock and to work through the anger and disappointment but in the end calmer heads will rule the day as it relates to the fact that this is the true me – there is nothing about this that isn't true.

"It might not be the perception people want of me and it's not be the perception I want of myself but it is my true self and that's what we're left with. If my story can help one person, let alone millions, who wake up in a life they didn't chose, wake up in a marriage they didn't want, if it can help a teenager about to step into the pitfalls I stepped into – it's an easy price to pay if the price is some judgements, or some loss of reputation or some false image."

The older, wiser Agassi who is in love with tennis seems to have little trouble dealing with loss of reputation now. What was different in 1997? Why couldn't he own up then instead of lying to the Association of Tennis Professional about how the drug got into his system?

"I regret it [lying]. I'm ashamed of it and I can argue that had I stepped up, I would have learned faster, it would have help me more. I would have been better served as it relates to the outcome of owning up. I should have owned up, there's no justification for lying but by way of explanation, you're in a whirl and emotionally and logically you cannot even process what it means.

"Years afterwards I debated with myself `do you own up now?' But when do you tell the truth? This can't be a press release, this can't be an interview – it took me 400 pages to place this in the context of my life."

But why now?

"I make a lot of tough decisions in my life by getting to the point where the alternative is impossible – this is one of those things. It's not an option to wait another 10 years to tell this, it's not an option not to tell the truth if I'm going to write a book, and especially If I'm going to call it Open, I better be [open]."

AFTER THE disaster of his marriage to Brooke Shields and his virtual disappearance from top tennis in 1997, Agassi manages to rebuild his life and his career and in no small part his turnaround is built on falling in love with Graf, with whom he'd been infatuated for years.

Having married one of the most desirable women in the world, I ask him if he's the envy of a lot of men.

"Ha! I would be envious of me as well. I think the greatest decision anyone can make in life is the partner they chose, it's the foundation, the person who is going to help you raise your children, guide your children, help you through good times, the bad times. So for anybody who feels a real partnership and love affair with their partner, there's a lot to envy, it's a gift."

What stands out about Agassi in his early pursuit of Graf is how nervous he was, how uncertain. It's surprising to see that Agassi, a millionaire superstar who's used to getting whatever he wants, is like an awkward teenager when it comes to the most simple task of ringing up a fellow professional and asking her out on a date. It should be easy for him but it's not. Why not? Agassi takes the question and applies a lot of philosophical top spin.

"That's one of the messages in this book, things are not as easy they appear. We all have our cross to bear and the fact that it seemed like I did have everything, the fact that in many cases I did have everything, and I still felt the way I did, it just added to my angst, to my self-destruction, because you're looking at yourself saying `why I am so unhappy? Why am I struggling? I shouldn't be' and that very fact makes you more unhappy. Peace of heart is something you have to fight for every day and it has very little to do with your circumstance."

Graf and Agassi these days play tennis for fun, it's inextricably part of their lives but now they have two children of their own, I wonder how they will approach the game if either of their children shows any expertise.

Agassi says his daughter Jaz is into tennis, playing three times a week while son Jaden is a mad baseball fan.

"We wouldn't want tennis for our children if it was our choice," Agassi reflects. "the road is hard and we know it too well and we wouldn't be able to enjoy their journey as much as worry about it."

- © Fairfax NZ News