An idiot's guide to lotto fun

Last updated 05:00 05/12/2012
Fairfax NZ
MONEY BAGS: If you won a fistful of cash would you have some fun with it?

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I've often thought about how I would spend my millions when Lotto finally comes through for me.

It might be worth mentioning that I hate buying Lotto, I generally refer to it as "Idiot Tax" and as such, always feel like one when I find myself drawn to the huge Powerball draws. Normally I've handed over my money before I've actually thought it through. Yes, this does make me one of the idiots. But I'm ok with that.

However, I do feel I am a different class of idiot. See, it's always made me a tad uncomfortable when I see people who've come into a lot of money going out and buying a car, a boat, a diamond or a butler. Stupid things so they can pretend they're better than everyone else. Money does not maketh the man or woman. But if these pointless things mean something to you, it's your money. Spend it as you see fit.

I love that many people say they would give to charity. It's great to see people being so un-selfish (especially in this day and age). But again, the idea of giving a lump sum to charity makes me uncomfortable. It's like picking up a new car for a friend then handing the keys to a stranger with a gang patch who says "Trust me, I'll make sure it gets there". I'd rather do something for the community which would see immediate, tangible results. Building community gardens in low socio-economic areas, outfitting a children's ward with fun stuff, having a weekly BBQ for the city's homeless, that sort of thing.

But what I'd really like to do is have some fun. I remember a dream I had once where I'd won Lotto and was sitting in a tree house with a Burger King crown on my head throwing burgers down at people, laughing maniacally.

It was strange, sure, but it gave me a good idea. If you can afford to do it, have fun. Like any great deal, you're only around for a limited time. So take advantage now. There are any number of pranks and silly things you could do if money were no object, I heard of a great one the other day where a bunch of people got paintball guns and re-enacted scenes from Die Hard, brilliant!

So before I bore you too much, here are the top five fun things I'd do if I won millions in the Lotto:

1: Dress up as a bus and chase people around Manners Mall in Wellington.

2: Send a capsule to Mars with an ALF doll and a bottle of water in it, just so the Mars Rovers have something to write home about.

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3: Surround a Starbucks store with small, local, fair trade coffee joints. Just to see how they like it.

4: Put hundreds of rusted old cars on blocks in Tow Away Zones so they're no good to anyone but towies still have to waste their time towing them.

5: Outbid AIG for the rights to the All Blacks shirt and put a picture of my face on their chest.

The list goes on and on and on. Now all this idiot has to do is buy another ticket.

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