Baby loss so common, so lonely

Last updated 05:00 07/12/2012
SECRET SUFFERING: Miscarriage is common, but not widely acknowledged in public.

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I have real sympathy for expectant mothers who suffer through their pregnancy with nausea, back pain, etc. I really do. But I, like approximately 25 per cent of all women, would trade anything to go through it all.

I have been pregnant before. Twice. And I have had mild morning sickness for a short period, until my babies died.

My first pregnancy was tracking normally until one day I started to bleed. I visited my GP, the after hours, and finally A&E over 24 hours until finally someone could give me the answer: My baby had died and I had miscarried naturally.

Second time around everyone kept telling me the risk was no greater for me than any other woman but they'd give me a few scans to make me feel better. But then those scans showed again, my baby had died. This time I was in for the surgery to try and 'get it over with'. I have nothing but great things to say about the staff at the hospital but as soon as I left, I was on my own again.

The biggest thing I have learnt over the last year is just how common and yet how lonely the miscarriage experience is.

There are secret online communities of so many women going through this but few, if any have spoken to a real person about their pain. I think the biggest reason for this is that everyone feels they have failed those around them.

I am glad that Hyperemesis Gravidarum is getting the coverage it deserves at the moment and hopefully it will allow sufferers to be more public and get acknowledgement.

I also hope that one day people will feel the same about miscarriage and it won't take a royal pregnancy loss to generate the conversation.

The writer's name has been withheld to protect her identity. 

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