The Ex Files: We had fun, for a while
I know I'm young, I know I'm naive. When we first got together it wasn't like we had just met each other. For 10 years it was clear how much we wanted to be with each other. But certain things prevented it from eventuating until finally... I thought we had our fairytale. Our friends assisted us in overcoming our barriers, our anxieties about whether we were ready to settle with our perfect respective partners.
We had so much fun! We got along like peas in a pod. We enjoyed each others company. I gave you your space, you gave me mine. We were blissfully happy. For a while.
In the beginning of 2012 I had an accident. I lost my job and couldn't work. I couldn't function without assistance. I needed your help. But the longer I was sick, the more distant you became. I never yelled or demanded anything from you. I just assumed you were busy. I focused on my recovery and tried to keep myself perky and happy around you as I knew that was one of the things you loved so much about me. But when I watched my health fail and my overseas experience come and go, I got emotional. For that, I apologise.
When I eventually did start to recover I came home expecting the same relationship we always had - with more time. You told me you wanted me to move out. I reacted by walking out. When I came back, you admitted you didn't love me and, in fact, you hadn't loved me ever. I haven't spoken to you since.
Once upon a time I dreamed about having a fairytale with you but I realise you were not ready. I was.
I wish you hadn't lied to me. Or abandoned me when I needed you. But I realise I deserve better - I will find better. One day when I do find my fairytale I will come back to you and forgive you. I just hope you can forgive yourself.
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.". - Mahatma Gandhi.
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