READER REPORT:

Coming out? I never stopped

BEN E. DIKTINE
Last updated 12:00 19/11/2013

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How did you 'come out'?

Coming out, and out, and out Coming out of the 'crippling' closet Coming out: I'm stuck in the closet When Mike became Jennifer Coming out: My story set me free Coming out: Soap suds and sexuality Coming out an on-going process The day I yelled 'I'm gay' My 'coming out' gay holiday Coming out? I never stopped

Given the heterocentric society that we live in, when discussions of being gay, bisexual, lesbian, etc, come up in conversation, the question is always "Oh when did you come out? How did you do it?"

It's a question that shows ignorance on the side of the straight people asking this question. Because you never stop coming out, if you're queer.

Showing the cultural markers, fitting into a stereotypes can, sometimes ironically, make the whole thing easier. But if you're not a flamboyant man or a butch woman, if you're somewhere in between, gender-wise or sexuality-wise, you never stop having to come out over and over and over again.

It can be worse for those queer people who otherwise pass because of the relationship that they're in - if you're bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, then your relationship passes very easily for a heterosexual one. But it's not. You don't stop being queer just because everyone else thinks you're straight. You end up having to come out to both your straight and your gay friends, sometimes dealing with flak from the very community that you thought would be supportive.

Reducing coming out to a single experience or moment is to forget an entire lifetime's worth of moments. I came out at 14 to my friends and family. I'm 28 now and I haven't stopped.


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