Perfect on the outside, broken on the inside

Last updated 16:11 28/12/2016
Anxiety won't let me be free

I seem perfect to the world outside, but this mental illness won't let me be free.

Do you live with an invisible condition?

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I live with anxiety, depression and post traumatic stress disorder. I am only 25.

Nearly no one can understand what pain and suffering I go through on a daily basis.

I used to be so independent, outgoing and motivated but now I live in fear of leaving my house.

Every morning, when getting ready for work, I am so anxious that I vomit. Why am I anxious though? I never really know.

* Family become 'helpers' at best, 'caregivers' at worst
* 'Endo is debilitating, but has limited visible symptoms'
* Chronic illness doesn't define me
* Searching for answers in the medical wilderness

I enjoy my job and I enjoy my life but I cannot kick what is on the inside.

People don't understand why you have such fears and paranoia over the simple things, such as entering a new store and not knowing the layout - that's the kind of thing that I avoid because I am not familiar with the store.

Some days I sleep for more than 20 hours straight.

But on the outside, I seem perfect to the world. My hair is always well done, I wear great makeup, I'm friendly at work, make lots of friends, dress nicely, I am engaged, have a nice house, nice car, great job and loving pets.

So why won't this mental illness let me be free?

At the age of 25 I have to take more than 25 pills per day, purely for mental health and autoimmune pain.

I guess you only ever understand such things as anxiety and PTSD when you have them. Finding people to relate to is such a great thing.

On top of all of this, I suffer from an undiagnosed autoimmune condition and, despite seeing multiple specialists, I have yet to find an answer to it.

My advice is that, if you know anyone suffering from mental illness, although you may not understand it and nor will they sometimes, just be supportive and treat them as a normal human being.

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