'All my dreams of becoming a mother are slowly fading away'

Last updated 17:47 05/04/2016

"I cannot express the feeling of trying time and time again with no results. Sex is no longer fun, it is business and has become scheduled."

Share your news and views

Share your stories, photos and videos.

Related Links

Infertility 'challenging, heart breaking' We are infertile. And it hurts so much The reality of infertility Tell your story in your words on Stuff A diagnosis of unexplained infertility Stillbirth, miscarriage and infertility is no April Fools' joke Secondary infertility sucks too Canterbury embryo test offers hope for infertile couples Infertility a bigger problem in Southland than previously believed: study

Relevant offers

Share your news and views

The job market is cruel to graduates The real cost of curtailing free speech Abortion: A tragic response to lack of choice Want equality? Curtail free speech I'm 18 - stop asking me if I want kids My anxiety is called Walter Too many fish in the sea: Why dating apps have ruined dating Poor team unity undoing the Wellington Phoenix Breaking free from my Facebook addiction Christchurch's cathedral conundrum continues

I am over every month ending up with me being bedridden with pain, unable to go to work or do my usual day activities.

I am over the pain I am in everyday, regardless of what my 'time of the month' is.

I am over everyone asking me when we are going to have a baby, when we know it may not happen for us.

I am over the disappointment every month when we realise it hasn't worked, and seeing the disappointment in my husband's face.

I am over being on fertility treatment that makes me feel nauseous everyday, have hot flushes, feel bloated, emotional, and have heightened depression and anxiety.

I am over being told "just be positive" and "it'll happen when the time is right".

Most of all, I am over feeling like I am not enough of a woman to be able to conceive.

* A diagnosis of unexplained infertility
* Why we don't talk about infertility
* Dr Guy Gudex answers your fertility questions

I have lived with endometriosis for as long as I can remember, however doctors did not believe me and just said it was bad periods. I would be crippled with pain, at random times of the month. I had bowel issues, pain during intercourse, and always felt low and tired, although my iron and other blood results were all fine.

It took years for one doctor to listen and give me a referral to a specialist. Finally I had surgery and received a diagnosis of endometriosis.

This bought mixed emotions. I now had an answer but was worried what this would mean for my future. Would I ever be able to have kids?

We spent a year trying to conceive and after wondering why it wasn't happening for us, with us still being in our 20s, we received another blow. I was barely ovulating. While a normal woman's ovulation count is around 40, mine was 11.

I then had friends tell me to "relax", "remain positive" and at least I still had a "slight chance".

Ad Feedback

This did not help at all. It made me feel even more alone as they do not understand the grief we are going through.


All my dreams of becoming a mother are slowly fading away from me. While I still have a few options ahead, this isn't always enough to keep me feeling positive.

I am scared, I am grieving for something I don't have and may never have, but most of all I am worried my husband will end up leaving if I cannot conceive.

I cannot express the feeling of trying time and time again with no results. Sex is no longer fun, it is business and has become "scheduled".

After six months of having the 'clomid crazies' I am now on a new fertility treatment for another six months. While the side effects are not as bad, they are still there and will be for months if this does not work.

Infertility 'challenging, heartbreaking'
Fertility stories: A woman yet to graduate
Choosing love over children

I envy women who get pregnant so easily. I feel bad that I feel hatred towards women who get pregnant when they don't want children, or don't want to care for them, when this would mean the world to me.

I am writing this in hope that other women who suffer similar feelings, pain, or are worried that something is not right, find a GP who will listen and take time to help them.

Please do not leave it if you feel that something is wrong, or wait until it's too late. Seek other opinions if your doctor does not listen.

I am also writing this in hope that women going through the same thing may be able to provide advice and share their opinions on coping strategies that have worked for them, to help other women out there who are also feeling alone.

View all contributions


Special offers

Featured Promotions

Sponsored Content