READER REPORT:

Too many fish in the sea: Why dating apps have ruined dating

JAMES ANNALS
Last updated 12:07 27/03/2017
online dating
DERICK ANIES/UNSPLASH

"What was dating even like in the ice age before the flame of Tinder thawed out the world?"

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Swipe, type and invite. That's the three step process a young man needs to follow in order to get laid these days, right?

Wrong. Dating applications make it appear so easy to find all your hot would-be lovers - but it's a sham!

As is commonplace, the attractive have first dibs and we "normies" are left with the scraps. Endlessly swiping as our self-worth falls faster than our battery life, and the reality that we are closer to a five than a 10 begins to bang on the door to our delusion.

That is, till we match a 10!

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Matching a 10 reaffirms all delusions of grandeur. Your teachers, parents, and even your nemesis (you're a superhero) were all wrong! You are somebody! You're worth a damn, and you're going to post the cutest couple Facebook profile picture your friends have ever seen, just as soon as she repli- unmatched. Hello darkness, I'm back.

Rejection is the nature of the single realm you choose to be in every year when you tell another clingy girl that you've been sleeping with for six months that you, "Don't see it working out" or that you, "Aren't wanting anything serious right now"... You'd probably be down for something serious if she were hotter though, right?

Probably not. The thing is, you've been single so long you're starting to doubt your own BS. Maybe you aren't just overly picky. Maybe you are insecure. Maybe you are afraid of commitment. Ha - as if! It's just because your small town looks like something Baha Men would sing about. Well, that coupled with the one big problem with dating apps...

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There are too many fish. Far too many in too shallow a pond, and while you're sitting in your boat dangling your little worm, they're busy eating each other. Get it? The world is big (literally bigger than the freakin' moon) and has more people on it than ever before, but thanks to social media it's smaller for us than for any generation prior.

But what was dating even like in the ice age before the flame of Tinder thawed out the world? Before the evolution. When people met then saw each other naked. When people slid down slides and not into DMs. When two dudes talking about a grinder didn't connote thoughts of Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger. More to the point, was it better?

Well, I dated pre-Tinder and it definitely made more sense.

You see, despite how casual dating apps sound, there is still a lot more to them than simply picking up a random at a bar. Only the craziest and most naive girls expect love from the guy who bought them two shots and paid for a taxi home for "cuddles". Whereas many girls and boys expect that someone who has talked to them for weeks and suggested a date (whilst unintoxicated) may be into more than just getting into them.

So what does all this mean? It means it is getting harder to be a single guy, and therefore harder to be a single girl.

Honest guys, who just want to casually bone bar girls from time-to-time, are losing out because that bar girl now has 10 dudes feeding lies to her phone; turning those good guys bad (sorry, Rihanna).

Consider this a PSA, ladies. Put down your phone and pick up that shot he just bought you. There is no way that he looks like that in person anyway.


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