Txt blys rly suk

Technology gives bullies new edge

One in four young Kiwi mobile phone users is estimated to have received offensive, pornographic or harassing messages.

Carlie Platts

examines text bullying, implicated in several teen suicides, and how it can be handled.

Maria* was 18 when the threatening text messages began arriving.

The attractive Auckland teen had begun a relationship with Brad* and her life was on a high. But Brad's ex-girlfriend was unhappy, and she and her friends began to text him inventing stories about Maria to try to make Brad believe she had been unfaithful to him.

"Ur jst 1 of a number of dudes bro. Ur gfs a slut, we see her with otha guys all the time. Gt out whle u stil can" and "do u like goin out wth a skank? Every1 h8s her. Ur the only 1 hu cnt sm 2 c wht a tart she is" were just some examples of the texts Brad received. The bullies bought a new SIM card to hide their identities but Maria found out who was texting Brad from other friends.

"They were just doing it for fun; it was their sad, sick entertainment," Maria said.

A normally confident person, Maria became too scared to leave her home because the bullies lived nearby. She feared they would attack her.

"It was quite honestly the most horrific experience of my life because it made me feel like people hated me," she said.

Vodafone was offering free weekend texting at the time and the group would get together every Saturday night to send abusive text messages to the young couple.

Tormented by the cruel texts for close to a year, Maria became "completely stressed out", so run down she got a kidney infection.

Eventually the bullies gave up, allowing Maria to get on with her life and resume a normal relationship with Brad.

Other victims of text bullying have not had such relief.

In January last year, 12-year-old Waikato girl Alex Teka was found dead at her home after being relentlessly bullied through text messages and emails.

Three years ago, 16-year-old Oamaru boy Daniel Gillies was found dead after teenagers sent him cruel text messages referring to his disfigured face. After receiving the messages, Daniel biked through the rain to cliffs, where he fell 80m to his death.

Text bullying has rapidly become a serious problem in New Zealand.

Raphael Hilbron, Vodafone's head of corporate responsibility, said the company had received 4600 complaints about text bullying last year.

During that time, Vodafone, Telecom, police and internet safety awareness group Netsafe got together to come up with guidelines to tackle the problem.

The phone companies agreed they would act on a complaint if a user received four harassing texts within a seven-day period.

Offenders could be disconnected from the networks, or victims provided with new numbers. The police would be notified in serious cases.

Rebecca Earl, Telecom's public relations manager, said: "Anything that lets people know that bullying is not OK and that it doesn't have to be put up with is a positive step in combating the issue."

More than half the calls Netsafe receives about text bullying are from people aged over 18. Over 40 percent were so serious they were referred to police including texts saying "I'm going to kill you," or "I'm going to trash your house".

Netsafe communications manager Rachel Harrison says a lot of text bullying starts after relationship breakdowns. It's quite common for adults and teens to get text bullied by their ex-partner's new partner.

"People are often more severe (in texts) than they would be in person because there is a sense of disconnection from the person," she said.

Mindworks Psychological Services director Sara Chatwin has already had 12 teen patients this year suffering from text bullying.

"It's like poison pen letters but 2007 style. It's very now it's very tech," Chatwin said.

Her patients have been aged from 12 to 17.

"You have to watch teenagers, because they are in that age demographic where there are high suicide rates," she said.

Some of her patients have been suicidal and the bullying has left them with little confidence or self-esteem. In some cases, Chatwin advises patients to get a new number and warns them not to give their number out "willy nilly".

She says most of the issues have been resolved with careful monitoring and in some cases advising the child's school about what has happened, so they can take action.

Chatwin doesn't have any sympathy for text bullies: "People should just grow up and if they have an issue with someone, confront them. Text bullying is very cowardly."

Sergeant Deane McEntee, in charge of police education in Auckland, says threatening someone through phone texts is the same as threatening someone in person.

McEntee is a teacher of Kia Kaha (stay strong), a programme which educates students about all types of bullying. He says the seriousness of text bullying is brought to his attention when he visits schools. Many students raise their hands when asked if they have ever been text bullied.

"I tell them not to do it and I say that it's dumb," McEntee said.

"We aim to create a telling environment where people aren't afraid to come forward and say, `Hey this is going on', without feeling like a tell-tale."

Under new guidelines, police have the power to advise phone companies to send a warning message to an offender while they are investigating a complaint.

"That provides relief for victims, which is really exciting," Harrison said.

Netsafe believes it is important to deal with the offender, rather than messages.

"These technologies don't cause the problem, but they enable people to choose to use them for good or bad," Harrison said.

Netsafe, Telecom, Vodafone, police and psychologists say the best way to stop text bullying is to ignore the messages.

Shockingly, Netsafe studies revealed a large percentage of people who were text bullied went on to do it themselves.

Chatwin says it's important people seek help if they are being seriously affected by text bullying. She says although family and friends are a great starting point, it is good to talk to an objective person and get things out in the open.

* Names changed to protect privacy.

- © Fairfax NZ News