Worth crowing about

Outdoor advertising company Oggi has erected several billboards attacking the Council's plan to limit city signage. It's hardly what you'd call a disinterested party, but the signs are clever. Before Easter they graced a beat-up old factory site with a seemingly hollowed-out billboard which framed a section of grubby wall. "Not exactly the Sistine Chapel, is it?'' it asked - and followed with their campaign catchphrase "Say no to no billboards''.

Which is not exactly Shakespeare, either - but that isn't the point. Oggi has played a great shot for their team in this billboard battle. Though I wonder if it's an own goal?

The thing is, I reckon our stock of mid-century industrial buildings are beautiful in themselves. Have you ever been to a party beneath Toto restaurant and thought how elegant were the rough painted bricks? Or wandered around the back of Victoria Park market, and seen the trendy redevelopments near Blake St? Tell me you wouldn't want to live there. I look at the latest Oggi billboard - the one in the photo here - and respond to their sarcastic "Ah, that's better'' with "Actually - yes.''

But at least Oggi have boiled the argument down to its essentials. Because the entire slanging match hangs on one question: what's more attractive, buildings or billboards? Shopfronts or signs?

Well, that's easy. Buildings are content to fulfil their primary purpose, and can afford to wait for an appreciative eye. But a sign's sole purpose is to get your attention in the shortest possible time - so they resort to quick 'n' dirty antics.

Buildings or billboards? It's like comparing Helen Mirrim with Anna Nicole Smith. And I know whose classical balcony I'd rather gaze upon. The only similarity between Smith and the Sistine, is they've both been appreciated prone.

Sorry Oggi, but if those billboards are supposed to showcase Auckland's worst, then you've set the benchmark pretty high.

Anyway, what about the other end of the scale - and the other end of the argument - beautiful buildings obscured by boring billboards? You don't have to look very far. Try Union St, where the other picture was taken.

Talk about being worth a thousand words. As you wonder what the heck the Higher Thought Temple is about, your eyes follow the curve of the old archway, before - gah! - they're assaulted with an ugly entreaty to invest in Australia.

Invest in an axe, more like. A historic site hijacked by an ad agency? It's a Higher Thought Temple defaced by a hired thought temple.

And it really is historic. It turns out the Temple is run by a group called the Builders of the Adytum which was formed by Paul Foster Case at the start of last century. Case was associated with the once-influential British magical group the Order of the Golden Dawn, who boasted W.B. Yeats as a member. Now, BotA run correspondence courses in reading Tarot cards.

Is that sinister? Hardly - the membership section of their website describes signing up as ``a step you must take for yourself without coaxing or persuasion.'' Er, is there a message there for Oggi?

So yeah, if the billboard ban does go through, it might mean a benign bunch of modern mystics are denied a revenue stream. But hey - the universe provides.

Let's hope it provides a better view of Auckland.

**

Speaking of mystical experiences, a few have been had at Crow Bar over the years. Ha - just ask the About Town review team. Anyway, last week, Orcon internet's Seeby Woodhouse sold the bar to David Hawk, who also owns Suite, on Hobson St.

The prospect of change at one of Auckland's oldest, most resilient, and downright excellent nightspots would normally be cause for concern, but I reckon it's in good hands. Suite is one of those places that transcends the mundane - I mean, they serve a full menu until 5am, six days a week. Seriously.

No word yet on what exactly will be different under the new ownership - but gazing into my crystal ball, I'd say it'll be all good. And hey - Hawk, Crow ... I'm sensing synergies already. It will be a great place to meet birds.