All I want for Christmas is ...

BY KIM KNIGHT

SWEATING THE small stuff this Christmas? You're not alone. And you're not going crazy.

When the Sunday Star-Times went looking for ways to make the coming year less irritating, we discovered the little things really do count.

Sure, global warming got a mention. But the most common gripe was tin cans with tear-tabs that broke off before the can was properly open.

Psychologists say that's a perfectly normal response. Because anything that makes us feel helpless or out of control – from a crying baby, to the neighbour's barking dog to that pottle of yoghurt you can't open – increases stress.

"At Christmas, a lot of things are not under people's control," says Veronika Isler, clinical psychologist with Hamilton practice CBT Psychology.

"Whether you do or don't want to visit your parents, or you have to sit at the same table as Uncle Whoever, who you just despise... it's the whole out-of-control, helpless stuff."

Cue nervousness, anxiety and a feeling the entire world has become unpredictable.

"The dripping tap has been an ancient form of torture for years, because you can't do anything about it," says Isler.

It's worse, she says, when there's a perception a problem has been caused by somebody else.

"If it's a broken ankle, because you tripped, you can't be as mad at the step as you can be when somebody pushed you."

According to Isler, when people feel overwhelmed they experience a surge of adrenalin.

"That leads to action. People want to get rid of that feeling. Some become externalisers and take it out on others. They punch the wall, kick the dog, do whatever they do. Others are internalisers. They take it out against themselves, they have a binge, they overeat, they go gambling or drink secretly."

Stress changes the body's chemistry, says Isler.

"And when the chemical balance is haywire, and you are in fight or flight mode, you can't actually think. You can't actually be rational about the yoghurt lid, because at that moment, you feel helpless."

The wishlist

Office windows that open.

Numbers on the back of buses so you can see which one you just missed.

Easy-peel tomato paste lids.

House paint that cobwebs won't stick to.

Permanent, non-painful, affordable hair removal.

Permanent, non-painful, affordable hair replenishment.

Virus-check software that doesn't make your computer slower than a virus itself would.

Country of origin food labelling.

Summer dresses with sleeves, because not everyone loves their arms.

Shopping trolleys that push themselves.

Car park meters that take $5 notes – especially when the car park costs $5.

International tags on international stories on local news websites.

A diet that works.

Clothes for little girls that don't look a Barbie monster vomited on them.

Apostrophe training for all s'ign writer's.

Fuller buses, emptier roads.

Airline cheese wrappers that actually unwrap.

Wheelbarrows that don't tip over.

Dog rolls containing products dogs recognise as food.

Cats that don't bring you gifts in the dead of the night.

Easy-peel CD price stickers.

Sturdier tear-tabs.

Respect for the invisible walls in an open plan office.

Silent air conditioning.

Less information on cereal boxes.

Man deodorant that smells like man instead of toilet cleaner.

The demise of social media experts. What do they do? Who cares?

An end to conversations that involve the phrase "to fix or not to fix" combined with the word "mortgage".

Short speeches.

Universal acceptance that deodorant is not optional.

Sticky tape that doesn't stick to itself.

Shoelace ends that never fray.

A ban on the word "inappropriate" – if something is horrible or disgusting, please accord it your full horror and disgust.

News reading, not news banter.

A fast-track resource consent system.

Tomatoes that taste like tomatoes.

Gas station attendants who fill your car and check the water and oil.

Quick-dry nail polish that dries quickly.

A pay rise. The recession is over, what's your excuse now?

Quieter neighbours.

Quieter neighbours' dogs.

Bridesmaid's dresses in any shade but blue. Turquoise, cornflower, azure, teal et al are still blue.

Christmas cards from people who care. Politicians and NZ Post don't count.

Secretaries who answer the phone. If they don't have time to answer the phone, they should get a secretary.

A plain-English version of our country's fiscal policy.

The end of whale-hunting. And having to waste carbon credits chasing whalers around the Southern Ocean.

A decision from the International Cricket Council that Twenty20 cricket is NOT cricket and should be sanctioned by the International Rounders Council.

Distant relatives and family friends to send addresses, correct name spellings and birth-death-marriage updates. In November.

Non-fatal tans.

A ban on the employment of socially challenged 14-year-olds as shop assistants, the lads with the slack jaws and the dead eyes, the ones that cost $2.40 an hour and who employers believe save them money whereas in fact they drive their customers into a frenzy of rage and hatred.

A merrier, Christmassier Christmas!

Keeping calm – how to bring down your stress levels

1. Change your level of arousal. Reduce adrenalin by deep breathing, doing yoga, going for a walk, and feeling a sense of achievement.

2. Solve the problem creatively and assertively. Barking dog? Talk to your neighbour. If they're not home, listen to music through headphones.

3. Change the way you think about the things you can't change. Stuck in traffic? Start your commute earlier, or just accept there are some things you can't change.

Getting help: www.psychology.org.nz has a list of registered psychologists nationwide.

- © Fairfax NZ News