Oi! Woods! No!

'We clamour to build them up and then act appalled when they tumble down. The lesson must be that sport offers no immunity from life.'

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OPINION: FRANK, THE character from Harry Enfield's Self-Righteous Brothers, could sum this one up perfectly: "I admire Tiger Woods' achievements on the golf course, his unerring putting, his booming drives and his contributions to the underprivileged," he'd say. "He seems a reasonable man, he'd have some fascinating stories to tell and I'd be happy to invite him home for dinner to meet my family and friends.

"But if he should begin, between the soup and the entree, to flirt with my wife and make suggestive comments about the size of his clubs; if he should start sizing up my daughter as if she was a putt to win the Open, I should have to stand up and say, 'Oi! Woods! No! As much as I admire your unwavering length off the tees and your uncanny ability to lead from the front, your current antics are unacceptable'. And then I'd give him a slap and tell him to 'op it." George: "And you'd be well in order, Frank. We can't just sit back and allow our celebrity sportsmen to think they own the place."

Our imaginations are running wild in the world of sport these days. You only have to consider the shenanigans over the past month or so involving Woods, Chelsea football skipper John Terry and, more latterly, his club and England team-mate Ashley Cole. Philandering, lying and opportunism seem to be the common thread and, while there's been some news value in each story, it's invariably been buried under the stampede to reach the salacious.

It's hard to know what's been the more disturbing, watching sporting figures being virtually crucified for behaviour that is (whatever your stance) unremarkable in today's world, or that we're made to feel complicit as all the sordid details are dragged through the public domain. To watch Woods' apology last week was almost to become a peeping tom, such was the smell of catharsis in the air. It must have felt like being part of a live audience for a psychotherapy group.

To be fair, there's been a legitimate news interest in each of the trio. Woods' outing followed official police and paramedic involvement and his resulting lay-off spawned valid stories about the state of the game. Terry's affair with the ex-partner of an England team-mate is having serious consequences in terms of squad stability. Confirmation of Cole's liaison suggests the defender earlier misled his employers, who are now reportedly considering suspension and fines.

But as much as each of these figures might represent a fall from grace, the bigger question involves the artificial pedestal we rush to place them on in the first place, as if their ability in one field somehow makes them beyond reproach. We clamour to build them up and then act appalled when they tumble down. The lesson must be that sport offers no immunity from life; that if anything, it only makes its participants more vulnerable.

Silver lining? Only the hope that recent revelations might help dispel notions that sport is some type of exclusive, gated community; that it represents a virtuous and principled lifestyle and an automatic safe harbour for morality. One of the fictions of competitive pursuits is they light up the path to improvement and progress, when they can just as easily light up a shortcut to dodginess. Life transcends sport; it's not the other way around.

A similar issue involves this increasingly strident debate over security and safety issues for our touring sports teams and individuals. That is, the stand-off between those who believe we should just keep playing whenever practical, and those who insist our sportsmen and women should be protected from all danger and risk, as if they represent some sort of higher life-form. Only when the planet is completely safe will they venture out. Fair enough, but it might be a long wait.

The bald facts are that all tourists and travellers are at risk, almost everywhere they go. Invariably, it's much safer for sports teams. Think about it. The lives of innocent folk extinguished by terrorist acts must outnumber the lost souls of sporting figures by thousands to one. There's clearly more risk travelling to India as a casual tourist than there is as a member of a sports team, and yet some people continue to insist on unrealistic guarantees. If only they could be given.

Maybe it's time to accept that sport is, and has always been, just a reflection of our community; that whatever is the norm on the streets will be commonplace in our sport as well. If infidelity, greed and a threat of terrorism are the by-products of the way we live today, then nothing is likely to change when we turn to our games and races. To think otherwise is to be delusional, elitist and most importantly, completely unfair on our sportsmen and women.

What have Messrs Woods, Terry and Cole taught us? Perhaps it's simply that sport isn't the Messiah after all. It's just a naughty boy. Despite so many hopes, it's turned out to be just another false prophet, as likely to lead us into temptation as it is into redemption. Shock, horror; there never was any moral high ground.

rboock@xtra.co.nz

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