Last updated 07:29 30/11/2012

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Cardiff right here

For most of us Cardiff is the capital of Wales and home of such dubious culinary delights as pasties and turnips. They also have funny accents and, last time we checked, more sheep jokes per capita than the South Island. But how many of us knew that Cardiff was also a town in central Taranaki? Well it's not much of a town any more, not since those damn scientists went out and invented refrigeration and killed the smaller version dairy factory. But the town does still have one thing going for it. Apparently its famous because a street light there has allegedly been left on for two years. Crikey. That really is something. Go Cardiff go.

Tractor nightmare

Which naturally leads to another heinous Taranaki crime - the theft of a tractor. This latest despicable act was carried out down the southern end of this fine province. So disturbed was the victim by the frighteningly horrible incident he went public with his appeal for sightings of his beloved tractor. One of those tipoffs led to its discovery behind the old Kapuni School where police said it had been "secreted". Now we know that word is entirely appropriate to use but the intonation police gave it led the reporter to think they ment something else entirely. Only now, four days later, are they beginning to recover from the shock of it all.

Goat runs amok

In what is now turning out to be a southern special we move to Stratford and an event so ordinary for that town we don't know why we bother mentioning it here. But we're desperate. On Saturday police were forced to arrest a goat in Colonel Malone's Restaurant and Bar after it ran amok through the garden and nearby bottle store and generally made an ass of itself. Witnesses to the incident said it was just another typical Stratford wild goat chase.


Jones in the dark

Moving on to other things that make us say "jeepers" we turn to TV One's New Plymouth-based lifestyle reporter Hayden Jones. Known as a man of some style he was recently spotted at a tattoo festival in New Plymouth wearing sunglasses, even though he was inside. Holy cats. Frankly Hayden, Unreported wonders if you realise where you are living. This isn't some progressive pinko-liberal anything-goes type city like Hamilton or Palmerston North. This is New Plymouth. What next? Shoes without socks, short sleeves at dinner? We shudder to think.

@kirsty_johnston: After trying every pharmaceutical and herbal drug under the sun to shift my cold, I have now turned to whiskey #win.

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- © Fairfax NZ News

Scott Donaldson
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