A lighthearted look at the week

Last updated 07:26 21/12/2012
tdn burl stand
Christmas burlesque dance number was like bringing meat to a vegan barbecue, it was just uncomfortable.

Relevant offers

Bowl's awkward moments

Just as much as everyone else, the small team here at Unreported enjoyed themselves immensely at Christmas at the Bowl on Sunday night. There were only two points that caused some disappointment. First, upon returning home one of the team found the cat had wet the bath mat, presumably in a fit of fear at the fireworks. This leads us to the second disappointment, which actually came first: and that was the burlesque dance number. Frankly, for a family event this seemed a bit too R-rated. Like bringing meat to a vegan barbecue, it was just uncomfortable.

Bandit finds employment

In other squirm news, word is New Plymouth's big chief squeegee bandit Kyle Cresswell is moving out of the city to pursue formal employment. Good on you, Kyle. Our only hope is that without their leader the other little bandits either become embroiled in a bitter and ultimately self- destructive turf war, or better yet, melt away. We feel this way because whenever one of them comes up to our car with the offer to clean the windscreen it makes us feel mean and miserable when we say no. And the other thing, is they may clean our windows but they make us feel dirty inside.

Buskers: Get a new hobby

In other annoying news, we go back to last week's "screeching cat" buskers outside New Plymouth's Centre City. The pair are still trying to swap their awfully bad music for the spare change in shoppers' pockets and Unreported can safely say their sound has not improved. Now, while we are usually charitable to such self-expression, on this occasion we say: "Please stop." Just because you've got the confidence to stand on the street and make a ridiculous noise, doesn't mean people have to be happy about being subjected to it. Though we hate to say it, we'd actually prefer you started cleaning windows.

Comprehensive complaint

Talking of criminals, we move on to a man recently sentenced to jail for a ridiculously inept crime involving a lawnmower, a car and a jemmied door. But before he started his term, he thought he would drop into The Taranaki Daily News to straighten a few facts out, such as his guilty plea having nothing to do with guilt but to save his mum from seeing her boy on trial. He also said something about the lawnmower issue all being resolved and various other complicated ins and outs. In fact, it all took so long to get sorted he had to borrow the phone from the girls at the front counter. "I'm gonna be late, Mum," he said. "I'm just at the newspaper complaining."

Ad Feedback

@LouDxx: OMG! I have a weird feeling I signed my #NZSecretSanta card with my own name! #FML #dork

- © Fairfax NZ News

Waitara's Jason Matthews
Master stroke

Waitara's Jason Matthews shows his class during the first day of the Fisher and Paykel Taranaki Easter Masters surf competition held at Arawhata on Friday.  

Frankley Rd New Plymouth
Rustic and elegant

Home's French Provincial design is part of a special lifestyle close to the city.

Adrian Oliver
Basics go begging for Airs

When you are playing with a depleted roster you generally have to do the basics right.

Warwick Lahmert
Spotswood deal to Southern

Spotswood United bounced back to thump defending champions Southern.

Clyde Bishop
Storm wreaks havoc

Tropical storm Ita downed trees and powerlines and drowned the Taranaki region.

Special offers
Opinion poll

What do you think of the NPDC's decision not to give iwi representation and voting rights?

Agree, it is great for democracy.

Disagree, iwi need to be engaged.

Don't care

Vote Result

Related story: Dismay as iwi voting rights denied

Featured Promotions

Sponsored Content

TDN rachel stewart

Riding Shotgun

with Rachel Stewart

with Gordon Brown

Second Thoughts

with Gordon Brown

Matt Rilkoff's perspective of comtempory life

The Rilkoff Files

Matt Rilkoff's perspective of contemporary life

tdn kathryn collumn

Under the Sky Tower

With Kathryn Calvert

Gordon Burnside

Gordon Burnside

The self-confessed bard of Brixton, offers views on life, politics and Akubra hats.

TDN The Weekend

The Weekend

with Glenn McLean

Family Notices


View marriage and birth notices from around the region


Death Notices

View obituaries from around the region