02:18, May 24 2013

Perhaps the King

Perhaps more than anyone else, the small team here at Unreported knows well how far officialdom is often behind reality. So it was good to see Taranaki Federated Farmers president Harvey Leach and New Plymouth Mayor Harry Duynhoven acknowledge the presence of Bryan Hocken as the "Mayor of Tarata" at a recent meeting. Mr Hocken might not wear the chains of office but the black woollen singlet afficionado has always been the undisputed leader of the district. In fact Unreported believes mayor is too lowly a title for the man. We suggest Viscount, Duke or perhaps even Crown Prince.

Avoid 'helmet hair'

Talking of headwear we naturally move on to a mode of transport made popular by Russian bears, clowns and circus wannabes: unicycles. It seems the single wheelers have one thing over two- wheeled cyclists in that they don't legally need to wear a helmet. This seems slightly ridiculous but the loophole could be the answer for those whose desire to cycle to work has been thwarted by their phobia of the dreaded "helmet hair". Unfortunately the downside means arriving to work on such a vehicle ensures you will never be taken seriously again.


On that note we would like to propose New Plymouth be renamed Kareareaville. Since Taranaki Daily News editor Roy Pilott first went public with his belief he had heard a New Zealand falcon near Pukekura Park dozens of sightings have been reported. One of the latest was of one hunting from the top of the Work and Income building in the central business district. Quite why it chose that location Unreported can't be sure but in a totally unrelated fact it is well known karearea tend to prey on the weak and sick - nature's easiest targets.

A 'Lyeing' effect

Now that we are here we may as well stay on easy targets and turn to the Len Lye Centre. Naturally a peacekeeper, Unreported is both for and vehemently against the building. "Iconic" we say to those in support. "Idiotic" we cheer with those against. But unlike many of the centre's detractors we also have a very close relationship with reality and are therefore looking forward to it opening some time in 2015. Rumour has it the curve of the stainless steel cladding has a marked slimming effect on one's reflection, which leads us to predict it will usurp Pig Out Point at the city's number one fast food eating destination by late 2016. Awesome.

@LewStoddart: I'm shocked, just shocked, that the guy the govt appointed to tell them the GCSB had broken no laws told them the GCSB has broken no laws.


Taranaki Daily News