Unreported

A lighthearted look at the week

Last updated 07:09 21/06/2013

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OPINION: Honour at stake

Unless you are living under a rock, you will be aware France will play the All Blacks at Yarrow Stadium tomorrow. But Unreported wants to remind people the mighty South Taranaki Mayoral Invitational side is set for a bruising encounter with the Parliamentary Rugby team tomorrow also. We got a sneak peek at South Taranaki mayor and invitational first-five Ross Dunlop's practice session, and frankly it made us a little anxious. It is safe to say those Parliament lads need waste no time practising under the high ball.

Foiled by trapezoids

However Unreported has recently learned there is a need for a bit of geometry practice at Witt. On Wednesday it became necessary to clear the trapezoid-shaped tables out of their boardroom to make way for the VIPs attending their strategic direction launch. With a Witt Council meeting immediately after it was necessary for the tables to be moved back in and arranged in a square again. A simple task, but one that took the combined mental might of the council, two members of the Tertiary Education Commission and three of Witt's wider leadership council 15 minutes, countless false starts and enough passive-aggressive suggestions to break a psychiatrist's sofa, to complete.

Ban half-baked

For the next story we go back to South Taranaki and the sconetroversy sweeping through Eltham. Frankly, we think barring Candy Hopson and her daughter Paytn Cameron from entering the annual cheese scone competition because they have won it three years in a row is a little bit on the nose. Then again, we understand how their dominance of the competition is not necessarily good for its future. All in all, the best thing to come out of this fracas is the word sconetroversy. Long may it live as another thing that makes Taranaki like no other.

Fonterrible communication

We will finish this week's report with a comment on Fonterra. Though it holds a position in Taranaki similar to what the Vatican does in Rome, that's not to say they are above reproach. Last Saturday the company told the Taranaki Daily News milk from cows grazing on oil and gas drilling waste landfarms was safe as. Then, four days later, they say they decided months ago it was not going to collect milk from any new landfarms. Say what? Shouldn't you have told us that earlier? Unreported can only say it would appear the left front teat doth not know what the right back teat does. And this is the company we call the country's economic backbone.

@NathanWinter75: Charles Saatchi has tarnished the name so much that they're thinking of changing "Saatchi & Saatchi" to just "&". #nigella

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