Czech coup quashed, beard rule restored
'We will string Mark up by the legs'LAIRD HARPER
A vote-rigging scandal has rocked the republic of Whangamomona's presidential elections.
Just hours after a foreign invader, known only as "The Czech", triumphantly took power during the town's official republic day celebrations last weekend, he was ousted.
Speaking to the Taranaki Daily News yesterday, reinstated president Murt Kennard said The Czech had stood down after just two hours in the role.
Mr Kennard said he had taken action to remove The Czech because it had not been a fair vote.
A quick poll of the republic's citizens couldn't find a single person who had voted for the outsider.
Although the voting papers had disappeared, all those spoken to said they had voted for Mr Kennard.
"I don't think he got any votes," Mr Kennard said, laying the blame squarely at the feet of town crier Mark Coplestone.
Mr Kennard said Mr Coplestone, whom he "knighted" two years ago, had clearly been bribed.
"The Czech has bounced," he said.
"We will string Mark up by the legs and probably drag him through the eel bath."
However, he would not strip Mr Coplestone of his knighthood because he had apologised and was usually an "amazing man".
The republic is no stranger to political intrigue.
Two years after Billy the goat was elected in 1999 he died suddenly. Many still believe he was poisoned. The next president, Tai the poodle, was forced to stand down after being attacked by a golden labrador.
Mr Kennard gained power in 2005 with the attack campaign slogan "Vote for Murt, not the Skirt", against cross-dresser Bruce/Miriam Collis. Since then he has reigned with an iron beard.
- Taranaki Daily News
What's your expectation of former tropical cyclone Pam?Related story: Cyclone Pam hits New Zealand
Get Taranaki's frequent news and sport updates
Get your mid week news fix
Get your South Taranaki news online