Howie Tamati
Howie Tamati

Marinaded bishop

As the second most holy day of the Christian calendar approaches Unreported thought a Christmas Special was in order. So we start with a story about the Archbishop of New Zealand and Bishop of Taranaki Philip Richardson. It is well known that Mr Richardson is a good and stately man and comes from a good and stately place that is this province but at a recent conference of other church leaders things got a bit confusing. Sure, everyone had heard he was the archbishop of New Zealand but until then very few had known he was also the bishop of Teriyaki.

Long may he reign

In a related spell check but non- marinade mix-up news item, we turn to New Plymouth District councillor Howie Tamati. A somewhat thoughtful if not infrequent contributor to council debate, it can be easy to suspect his influence at the table does not extend past his single vote. But that would be wrong. He was recently confirmed as one of the members of the council's Komiti Maori. This group is made up of the mayor, three other councillors and representatives of Te Atiawa, Taranaki, Ngati Mutunga, Ngati Maru and Ngati Tamati. Okay, it might be a typo but we'd prefer to believe Howie is now the boss of his very own tribe. Hail to the chief.

Clarify it with Kim

As we have now demonstrated a complete inability to maintain the Christmas Special theme we may as well move on to the Taranaki District Health Board. This newspaper was recently informed by them that Taranaki health services had hit 110 per cent achievement for kids getting their before school medical checks. Frankly we didn't know how this was possible. No, what it meant was the board achieved 110 per cent of its 90 per cent target. No, we could not say this was 99 per cent. We remained confused and after an explanation or an actual number was stubbornly not provided we called the only person we knew who could make sense of such bureaucratic twaddle. "Hello," we said. "Is this Mr Kim Jong Un?"

Don't worry, be happy

Unreported would like to end this week with a short piece of Christmas advice. The world won't end if the trifle doesn't set. Your life will still be fine if the turkey is overcooked, the ham burnt, the presents badly wrapped or the silver goes unpolished. And we've also lately confirmed that it really is the thought that counts. Really.

Tweet of the week

@BrentButt: Google motto 2004: Don't be evil. Google motto 2010: Evil is tricky to define. Google motto 2013: We make military robots.

Email: Unreported@dailynews.co.nz. Twitter: @Unreportable.

Taranaki Daily News