18:39, Apr 03 2014

Gone out, back soon

Now everyone knows reported crime is down, but until last week we just didn't realise the implications of such a criminal reduction. That was when we called up Waverley police station for a quick chat about a car crash, or something or other, and wound up talking with Daphne. "Oh no, dear," she said. "I can't help you. I'm only a volunteer. We haven't got any police on at the moment." Not only was it surprising a civilian volunteer was manning the police station, we were quite disgusted to learn there was no morning tea supplied for the hard-working crimefighter. "Oh no dear," she said, "we have to bring our own."

Connection path lost

Ok, ok that argument is about as flawed as a school gymnasium, but our threshold for logic has always been low. But even we can't understand why a 180-metre pathway hasn't been built connecting Vickers Rd in New Plymouth to the footpath, and thus mobility scooter-using senior citizens, from Bell Block. We have heard rumours about why it isn't built and, if true, we are suitably shocked. Now, unfortunately we can't reveal those here but rest assured, we won't let this one go!

Help is not on its way

Sticking to South Taranaki and another crime story (of sorts) involving one of the fine young reporters of this paper's southern bureau. In a fit of unexplainable excitement a journalist had packed it in early last week and gone for a jog. It didn't last long, because for some reason she blacked out mid-jog. This sent her crashing to the ground in a busy Hawera St. Though badly grazed, bleeding and shaken she remained conscious, only she couldn't see. Shocking stuff! But even more shocking, as she lay there blinded and waited for her vision to return she heard more than 10 cars go past without stopping. Crikey Hawera. What gives?


Leave believers be

While we are down there we may as well give a shout-out to the Stratford psychics who featured in this paper the past two days. They've taken a bit of flak for their beliefs and again we say "what gives". Frankly, no-one should be ridiculed for what they say and believe any more. Remember last year when people said there was no way the US Government was reading all our emails, tracking our phone calls and generally acting like a totalitarian police state. Yeah, so keep an open mind.

Tweet of the week

@tejucole: Weird that they called it "Twitter" instead of "Actually, let me explain why you're wrong".

Email: Unreported@dailynews.co.nz. Twitter: @Unreportable.

Taranaki Daily News