I want to be alone

MODERN MAIDEN
Last updated 15:55 21/02/2013
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OPINION: I'd never seen one so big before. In fact I didn't even know they could get so large, or so hairy. I stood in my bedroom with my eyes wide open in shock. I was almost scared.

Actually, I lie, I was terrified. How on earth was I going to handle this? There was only one thing that would take care of such a big beast.

Fly spray, and a lot of it.

Getting rid of gigantic spiders, all by yourself, is definitely the worst thing about living alone.

After covering the spider in half a can of Mortein, I spent the rest of the night wide awake waiting for the mini minions of the Hairy Hulk to enact their revenge. Two days later when three swollen marks appeared on the back on my thigh, I knew I had been the victim of vengeance.

Recently I moved into a cute little house - just me, my shoes and 17 boxes of books. It's a monumental change for someone who loves people, is a gossip at heart and relies on others to remind her to have dinner.

People in their 20s have usually lived with parents, grandparents, flatmates, partners and even in a university hostel. Living alone brings a whole bunch of new and exciting challenges - like killing spiders, cleaning the toilet and remembering which morning of the week is rubbish day.

It's not all mass murder and ever-increasing piles of trash though. Flying solo has some definite perks, and top of the list is nakedness.

We have all been there during our days of flatting, especially if you are like me and you sleep with very little on in summer. You wake up, thinking everyone in your house must be asleep and therefore there is no need to get dressed to go the bathroom.

You are tip-toeing down the hallway when suddenly your flatmate opens his bedroom door, sending light spilling out on to your bare chest, as you stand frozen like a possum in the headlights.

Tomorrow's breakfast of awkwardness is only ever equalled by the morning after your flatmate brings his new (loud) girlfriend over for the night. You can sometimes know too much about the people you live with.

When you live alone, it only takes closing your blinds and hey presto your house can become your very own nudist colony.

No pants? No problem! You want to watch Shortland St in just a towel? Go ahead! It's laundry day and you have nothing to wear? That's OK, because everyday can be naked Thursday when you live alone.

The thing about having your very own nudist colony is you can decorate it yourself. The days of having my partner's posters of skulls plastered all over the place are gone. Instead I have a beautiful drawing of Colin Firth and a series of words, like ''peace'' and ''create'' adorning my walls.

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Candelabras have been painted to match my colour scheme, books are stacked high on every surface and aside from the fact I feel I am continually unpacking, my little house is a perfect castle for me. I can even drink wine at 11am without the fear of being judged.

Of course there are times when I wish there was someone to drink that wine with me. Many people I know say they couldn't live by themselves because they fear they would become lonely.

I believe having time to yourself makes you really value the occasions when you do get to see other people. It also means you make more of an effort to be social, to go out for coffee or take a walk with a friend. When you live alone you get to choose when you enjoy the company of others.

But when it comes to the company of giant hairy spiders, you have no power over their desire to put an end to your loneliness. They will come and make themselves a web of a home in your bedroom, in your bathroom and even in your kitchen.

It doesn't matter how loud you scream, there is no one to run to for help. No one else is going to get rid of that spider while you whimper in the corner.

So ladies, it is time to arm yourself with Mortein, fly swats and glass jars. After all, nobody wants spiders in their nudist colony.

- © Fairfax NZ News

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