How to talk to your computer helpdesk

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How do you find dealing with IT helpdesks?

They don't help at all

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I am the helpdesk

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Most reputable companies offer it and almost every website lists it in their main menu - support.

But what does support actually mean? Support is something that we all either want - or need - at some time or other. The mother in labour expects the support of her partner at the birth (or at least at conception) and the swimmer caught in a rip relies on the support of surf lifesavers.

In the computer world, support covers a vast area. The problem with most IT support systems is the majority of "computer people" can't grasp that the majority of computer users aren't like them and in many cases cannot intuitively do what they do.

The stereotype of the impatient and overworked IT guy snapping condescendingly at users has been lampooned in everything from cartoons to comedy skits. But like all stereotypes, this one has origins in real life.

Many IT support people cannot comprehend why users don't understand how computers work, even though they use their machines all day, every day. However, someone who uses Word or Excel all day may be experts with that software, yet have no idea (nor wants to have any idea) of how the hardware works under the hood.

My analogy is you don't have to be a mechanic to drive a car; in fact, you don't need to know anything about cars. All you need to know is no more nor less than what is required to safely operate the vehicle and get from A to B.

Knowing more may be beneficial, but it isn't mandatory.

Even the instructions offered in FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions) and support pages on many computer-related websites assume a certain skill level many people don't possess.

The FAQs' author may know exactly how things work and give what they consider are simple, step- by-step instructions to resolving common issues, but they may as well be giving step-by-step instructions for brain surgery.

Example: make your first laparoscopic incision to the upper quadrant of the right occipital lobe, avoiding palpitation of the hypothalamus, ablation around the left and right anterior paretial cortex and extending your arterio-venous fistula into the vertebrobasilar Medulla Oblongata (kids, don't try this at home - I made it up).

Having the best instructions doesn't make us capable of doing the job. True, most FAQ and support sections are intended for those who can help themselves, which lightens the load on the support crew, though we often find these sections are the only "free" support offered, outside of user forums (if available).

I used to walk people through simple operations only to have them say they would rather pay me to do it.

I'm sure whatever they do for a living I probably find just as mysterious. The fine line is not insulting people by assuming they won't be able to do something, or making things worse by having them think I am coercing them into having a go at something they don't feel comfortable doing.

The best way, if you require support, is to make sure your information is as comprehensive as possible; rocking up to your IT department claiming your machine has "some error" is going to get you some annoyed looks. Make a note of what the exact error is; if you can, use a print screen or the snipping tool (in Vista/Windows 7) to capture error dialogues.

Your IT person will love you.

* Dave Thompson runs a computer- services company in Christchurch. Contact: dave@computerkungfu.com

- © Fairfax NZ News