Press pets: Unstoppable Otto

05:19, Aug 01 2014
NO REMORSE: Otto relaxes after a sneaky meal of frozen chicken.

Name: Otto.

Born: 2009.

Likes: Sleeping in the bed until midday; licking the faces of chocolately children; jazz.

Dislikes: Couriers; vegetables; the vacuum cleaner.

Description: Handsome. Clever. Amusing. A very good dog... for a bad dog.



After being shut outside for humping the children, I managed, somehow, despite my obvious shortcomings, to get myself on top of the outdoor table.

There I found the chicken that was defrosting for dinner.

So I ate it. All. Including some of the plastic bag it was in.

The chicken still being frozen made it quite difficult. But I persevered.

Once I was caught and chastised severely, I came inside and grew very quiet. I sat still for a long time and thought about my behaviour.

Then I got up and walked swiftly to mother's bedroom to vomit the frozen chicken I had just devoured under her bed.

Then I ate it. All. Again.

I now lay prone on the couch, unable to move. And I feel no remorse.

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