Easy fathering

An Australasian version of Being a Great Dad for Dummies has recently been published. This extract, DIY Father directors and authors Stefan Korn, Scott Lancaster and Eric Mooij describe the seven traits needed for a successful adjustment to fatherhood.

Confidence

It takes time to feel truly confident about handling a newborn, but you gain confidence by doing things and getting your hands dirty (literally in some cases), even if at first things don't go right. Looking after a newborn baby and toddler can seem daunting at times, but isn't actually that hard. It just comes down to being attentive to the needs of your little one, making an effort and learning a few tricks.

No matter how hard things get - you're stressed out at work and the baby's waking up every three hours at night, your partner's sick and you're doing all the housework - you'll get through it and you'll be a more confident dad (and person) as a result. So don't be afraid to muck in because it will give you a great sense of achievement, lift your spirits and build your self-esteem when you don't have to rely on mum for anything to do with the baby (other than breastfeeding).

Creativity

Sometimes you truly have to think outside the box when you're looking after babies or spending time with children. Children are very lateral in their thinking, which can work to your advantage as you can easily turn an empty water bottle into a spaceship. Children have no trouble with pretend play and let their fantasies run wild, so just go with it. Sometimes you'll also have to find creative solutions to some basic problems, such as when you've run out of nappies. An old tea towel may have to do while you take bub to the shop to get disposables.

Endurance

Sometimes the only way to cope with a situation is to endure it. When your baby is colicky, or wakes every few hours at night, or is teething and cries constantly, you may be at the end of your tether trying to work out how to put a stop to that noise. Often there's no solution, there's nothing you can fix or do to make a difference.

Its just the way it is and you're going to have to suck it up. But understanding that everything in parenting comes and goes, that one day your little one will sleep through, one day your child will have all his teeth, and one day he will grow out of colic will help you endure the bad times while they last.

Like patience, endurance can be hard to muster when you're tired, you've had little sleep and you see no end in sight. The early weeks of a baby's life are a little like an endurance sport. Just surviving the sleep deprivation, the crying that grips your brain and shakes it about, and the never-ending rounds of feeding, burping, changing and settling can seem impossible. But even marathons end sooner or later, so take every day as it comes and before you know it you'll be celebrating your champ's first birthday.

If you're having a hard time coping with a crying child, and feel like lashing out - stop right now. Put your baby in a safe place, such as her cot, and take a breather. Count to ten. Even better, go outside for a minute or two, take some deep breaths and calm down. When you go back, comfort your baby and call your Well Child provider, midwife, GP or someone who can come and take over for a while, while you take a break.

Optimism

Your life as a dad will be much easier if you try to see the funny side of things and take the glass-is-half-full position. At times you may be overwhelmed, stressed or totally exhausted and then it's easy to slip into thinking nature's way of organising procreation totally sucks. When you get annoyed and you're feeling negative, your child is likely going to pick this up and he might actively participate in making the situation even more difficult to handle. So shake yourself up and snap out of negativity.

Try a different approach or do something to get in a better frame of mind. Chances are you'll get a more positive response from your child if you're more positive.

Passion

Immerse yourself in all the tasks that need doing around your baby, toddler and child. By doing that you'll develop a passion for being a dad and you'll love being a dad with all your heart. Your child picks up on your passion and will be inspired to learn, develop and grow with you at an amazing pace.

Patience

Patience is a virtue - especially for dads! Patience is your friend and makes things a lot easier when you've got kids around. Without patience, you would just pop with anger and there'd be tears all round, even for you.

Most of the learning in the early years (and perhaps even throughout life) is achieved through constant and frequent repetition. As a father, you're in the business of facilitating that learning, which means repeating yourself a lot, such as reading Where the Wild Things Are for the 53rd time, or telling your little champ not to pour his milk in the fish tank for the 17th time. As adults we're often not great at dealing with constant repetition because it's deemed boring or frustrating.

By fostering your own patience you'll be able to elegantly deal with constant repetition and keeping your calm. By being patient you avoid putting unnecessary pressure on your child to achieve something, which helps reduce frustration or feelings of inadequacy on his part.

Presence

Taking time to be with your child and partner in a family is important. How you spend that time with your family is also important.

Children have a finely tuned awareness of your attention. They can tell right away if you're actually engaging with them or merely present physically, with your mind miles away. Being present means you devote 100 per cent of your attention to your child and you focus on what they are doing. You don't watch TV, read the newspaper or get a bit of work done at the same time as playing with your child.

Being a Great Dad For Dummies, Australian and New Zealand edition, Wiley Publishing, $44.99.

Got tips to share from your own experiences? Comment below.

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