How Michael becomes Michelle
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Avenues
When Michael Smeaton wants to express his feminine side, an hour-long process begins. The result is Michelle.
Michael Smeaton, who's on the cover of Avenues this month, details how he transforms into his "other half", Michelle, and hits the shops.
Come, walk a mile in my shoes. I'm thinking of a particular mile of course - Cashel Street Mall in Christchurch, and my shoes are women's boots size 12. Not a problem you say, except that most of the time, I'm a man.
So, let's get ready to go out. There are the boots, of course, and suitable clothing. In this case the clothes are going to have to emphasise some parts of the body that men are not usually endowed with, and de-emphasise those things that women usually don't possess. So tight fitting pants are most definitely out, and the bra will be padded. Then there's the face stubble.
A good hot close shave is in order. Don't forget the tricky bits around the jaw line - those hidden hairs have to go. An electric shaver is good for the hands, forearms, legs, and neck - the ladies aren't usually hairy there either. You can leave the bits that will be hidden by clothes if you like - we don't have all day to get ready.
All shaved? You've checked in the mirror to be sure? Good. First on is the red coloured beard concealer. This will mask the blue-black of your beard under the foundation. Next foundation - don't spare it. I know the ladies can get away with just a splash of toilet water on their faces, but you've got a lot to cover up.
Foundation on? Powder to set it, then some blusher and bronzer to add colour back, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara - careful now, you don't want clumpy eyelashes, and, finally, lippy. You haven't managed to get powder on your clothes have you? Well, do your best to wipe it off.
Not a bad effort. I understand you haven't been doing this for decades, like a genetic woman of your age would, but not bad. Now the hair.
Yes, I have noticed that most of it has fallen out over the years, so you will need a wig. I don't care if it is hot and tight, and makes your head itchy, you are definitely going to need the wig, unless you want to look like a very strange woman indeed. So, wig on and brushed, and jewellery. A girl needs her bling. I don't know how they manage to do the clasp up behind your neck either, but keep trying and you'll get it.
Now a watch. Your man's watch is a dead give-away, so either do without, or I have a little lady's watch you can use, and a bracelet for the other wrist. It will help to disguise that too-thick wrist of yours. Yes, women do generally have smaller wrists. You should spend some time just looking at other people - you'll learn a lot.
You are almost ready to go now. Just a jacket and handbag. Got all your cards and cash in the lady's wallet? Cellphone? Keys? Great. That only took an hour to get ready, so perhaps you'll not complain when you have to wait for your girlfriend next time. See you at the mall.
Nice day for it, not raining and not too breezy. Both can play havoc with wigs. All the same, don't forget to check your wig often - you don't want to end up looking like you spent the night on a bench! We're standing under the arch of the Bridge of Remembrance. Everything in place? Ready to go? Go.
Yes, the boots do have a bit of a heel, that's why your bum is getting pushed out. Just lean your torso back a little to compensate, and shoulder's back - that way your boobs will stick out. Think of it as showing off your assets. No, it is not about selling yourself or offering yourself up to any bidder, this is about being proud of what you've got, and not being afraid to show it. Now take small steps, most women don't march around with a ground-eating stride, and line your feet up more. Not quite the catwalk sashay, but enough to get some hip motion. You want that skirt to sway a bit.
The kerb. Sorry, I should have mentioned it earlier. Are you OK? The heel makes foot placement more critical as your feet have a higher centre of gravity. You tend to tip over on sloping or uneven surfaces, so negotiate kerbs consciously, taking care that the footing is sound before transferring your weight onto your leading foot. Plus give yourself more time for traffic - you'll be slower across the road. If you need to move faster use more rapid steps rather than lengthening your stride.
All right, into the mall proper. The surface is pretty good, just that metal grating in the gutter to be careful about. No traffic either - just don't get bowled by skateboarders or cyclists. Yes, that guy on the bike does look like he's dropped acid.
You're getting the walking action now, leaning back a little and small steps. Very good. Hold your purse to your body with one arm, which will keep it on your shoulder. The other arm swings stiffly. I don't know, maybe it's a counter-pivot to the boobs. Don't ask me, I'm not a genetic woman, but lots of women walk that way, so you may as well too. Try to walk from the hips; women are very hippy, whereas men tend to lean into their stride.
Surprised? The world hasn't ended. You haven't been lynched. Most people are decent enough to mind their own business, and many of them are too wrapped in their own business to notice you. See that? Most people are just ignoring you. Check your reflection in a shop window. Wig still good? Carry on.
Eye contact. Men use their gaze to intimidate other men, and to check if women will show interest by returning the look. Women use their gaze to modify their social contact by only looking into the eyes of people they want to meet, so stop staring at everybody. Especially don't hold the gaze of men - unless you want to send the wrong signal. And smile. Women use a little social smile to look pleasant, harmless, and happy when they meet people. A wee smile will do.
Did you see the way that woman dragged her child out of your way? She "read" you as a man dressing as a woman, and she probably thinks that her innocent baby needs to be protected from people like you. See that guy she's standing next to? He looks like a child molester to me. The fact is, unless you're already attracted to small children, you're no more dangerous than your average person on the street, it's just that you tend to be visible. In my books, the sooner kids find out that there's a wide variety of different expressions of humanity out there, the sooner they'll grow out of being closed-minded bigots.
Those girls do seem to be talking and giggling about you, don't they? Funny how teenage and young girls are often the ones to "read" a trans-woman, and the ones most likely to react. Think of females this age as being the "gender police". They are working out their own identities as women, and also closely observing and modelling the behaviour of females around them. As a trans-woman you are challenging many of the ideas they are beginning to call their own and explore in terms of female identity and expression. Their brightly dyed hair, coloured bras under white tops, and skimpy skirts are all part of that exploration too. Don't expect any understanding or compassion as that usually only comes with experience and maturity.
Oh, you need to go to the toilet now? Didn't you go before you left home? I'm afraid that there aren't many choices where we are. I don't know of any disabled toilets around here, and those are the best kind. No, I'm not saying that you're disabled, it's just that they are unisex, so nobody is going to think twice if they see you using one. No, you can't just use the men's. Let me draw you a scenario. Walk into the men's loo looking very much like a woman, belly up to the urinal, lift your skirt, and I can pretty much guarantee that will be the last clear memory you ever have. Either that, or it will be the last memory you will want to have!
So, you are just going to have to use the women's loo. Here's the secret. Walk in. Do your business like a woman. Wash your hands. Leave. Don't fool around with the toilet seat, don't strike up a conversation with your new gal pal, don't whistle Colonel Bogey, don't pat young girls on the head, and don't stop to re-arrange your make-up. Just do it and go. Clear and simple.
We are almost there. Do you see that fellow coming towards us? Bad hair, bad teeth, and a bad attitude. He's "read" you as well, and, if looks could kill, you'd be well on your way to the next life already. Isn't it amazing how angry some people get at the sight of you just trotting down the street minding your own business? I'll bet he'd love to have a go at you, if it wasn't the middle of the day and all these witnesses weren't around. Just ignore him - he's got his own problems to deal with.
Congratulations, you made it. It's been a bit rough and your ego has taken a beating, but you've had a unique experience, and you've sure learnt a lot. Now all you need to do is turn around and walk back to the car. Good luck.
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As someone who knew Michael in his 20's and had no idea of his life as Michelle, I can only say how sad it is that he was not comfortable enough to tell us the truth. However I have to admit I have no idea how I would have reacted (but hope I would have been accepting). I would like to acknowledge your strength in acknowledging Michelle so publicly. Good on you! and I hope you are now have supportive friends and family.
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For me to come out as Michelle I first had to accept that this is who I am. Unfortunately it has taken something like 40 years to come to that point. Fortunately I now have. I realise that it may for hard for those who knew me before to know that I couldn't share this with them. Unfortunately you are only ready when you are ready. Thank you Carol for your support and kind words.