El Santo Porteno

May 10

Holy port by Jamie Hanton

In the basement of The British Hotel, in one of the world's southern-most English-speaking docks, El Santo Porteno could easily be the last drinking stop at the end of the earth.

The British Hotel was a place where burly Russian seamen brawled before their journeys back home - or so say the legends. And El Santo Porteno manages to maintain a modicum of this robust ambience.

Part of this historicism could be attributed to the furniture; every seat has some vinyl component. To the left of the bar is a galley-like benchseat area, painted blue with a vast number of icons of the virgin Mary. It should be noted that El Santo Porteno roughly translates to The Holy Port Town. The larger part of the bar is dark and den-like, with homemade light boxes bearing the playlists of past gigs, as well as promotional posters for upcoming events. With a décor combining crowded kitschy retro fittings and a rough and ready minimalism, it's another example of the "Lyttelton aesthetic". Great when the place is packed out; a little melancholic when empty. 

The bar offers three tap beers, though none are clearly labelled. On further inquiry, we found one is a "local pilsner", one a "local pale ale" and the last is Monteith's original. We went with the two local brews, both $7 each for a substantial handle, and were happy with the choice.

Unfortunately, the night we docked (a Thursday) there was no live entertainment, and the bar remained rather quiet for the night, although we were musically compensated by the lone barman playing a different kind of vinyl from behind the bar. Jumping 1950s rock rang out as the sun began to set over the harbour, and as the darkness encroached, the music segued into a mellower blend of indie rock.

We were enticed back to the bar by an intriguing blackboard menu spelling out a surprising range of empanadas and toasties (all $8) - including a sweet number by the name of Banarama. We decided to doff our hats to the Spanish influence and went with one each of the spicy beef and traditional.

The wine list was brimming with Latin reds, all promising accompaniments for the empanadas. After much indecision, I chose a glass of the Cassilero Del Diablo, a Carmenere from Chile ($8). The wine, served in what looked to be one of Grandma's port glasses, was delicious, with a wonderful weighty mouth feel. My associate ordered a Bombay and tonic ($7) and upon supping the drink, he proclaimed it to be health-giving.

The empanadas - essentially Mexican pies - weren't so health-giving. They were tasty, and the spicy beef was true to its name, but it did seem they had been woken from a frozen slumber.

A trip to the bathroom required an enjoyable excursion through the interior of The British Hotel. The route upstairs was shrouded in darkness, and I must confess certain horror scenes flashed before me. Within the light of the sanctuary was a bare but clean rugby club-style setup: urinal, stall, concrete.

My final beverage for the night was a Spicy Bloody Mary ($7), suggested by the barman after I asked about a particularly interesting-looking bottle that turned out to be chilli vodka. The combination of savoury flavours, spice and freshness of tomato was the success of the night.

We whiled the rest of the night away at the spacies machine. With a massive selection of games and unlimited credit, we were extremely content, despite the relatively quiet night, which I can confidently say, is not the norm at El Santo Porteno in the weekend (they have another floor upstairs, which is occasionally opened for gigs and events).

El Santo Porteno is another jewel in the crown of Lyttelton - a holy port that can now boast a veritable grand tour of quality bars and venues.

Where: Under The British Hotel, corner Norwich Quay and Oxford St, Lyttelton.

Hours: Thursday-Sunday 6pm-1am.

Wine: Suitably Spanish (especially the rojo).

Prices: On the cheaper side of reasonable.

Service: Laidback.

Ambience: Rock 'n' roll kitsch shrine.

Amenities: Working men's club/spartan chic.