At a stretch
JOANNA DAVIS
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Joanna Davis gets taken for a ride to Oxford in a stretch Hummer and finds it a comfortable - and conspicuous - commute.
Pulling up outside Jo Seagar's café, we feel like celebrities. The staff in their distinctive fawn pinafores come out to greet us. Passers-by turn their heads to see who we are.
I feel apologetic for my work-a-day clothes as I step out of the Hummer. Something high-fashion, or at least fashionably grunge, is called for, but the five of us are without bling. And we're not nearly as famous as we ought to be.
It's the car, of course, if it's not offensive to call an 8.6-metre behemoth a car. All the way to Oxford, other drivers and passengers have been turning to check it out. A 4.5-tonne stretch limousine demands attention.
With its gleaming white exterior, my first impression of the Hummer is a giant upended refrigerator on a long wheelbase. But when the driver opens the rear passenger door for us, the interior is much more warmly welcoming.
We climb into an intimate lounge with black leather seats, polished glasses lining the bar. You could fit 10 people in here, but on a frosty winter morning it feels just right for five.
Owners Hayley and Craig McDonald imported the stretch Hummer limousine earlier this year, thinking its quirkiness would appeal to the public. It was about the time the last Hummer to be made rolled off the production line in Louisiana, in the United States.
In Christchurch, the Hummer is hired mostly for weddings, balls and birthdays, but it is available for any occasion. Being a four-wheel-drive vehicle, it can even manage a trip to the ski fields.
Our mission is a scenic drive across winter-bare plains to the foot of the mountains. Well, probably. The windows are only just big enough to allow my American guests to finally see sheep grazing and tick off a quintessential New Zealand experience. We're listening to Flight of the Conchords on the surround-sound system (BYO iPod) for yet more Kiwiana.
One of my companions, Jill, says the tide has turned on the popularity of Hummers in the US, where they were first designed as military vehicles. Once aspirational, they now evoke cultural cringe in an era of eco-consciousness. In this country, I think they've only ever been an eccentricity.
Mary, at 16, is the only one of us who has been in a stretch Hummer limo before. She says her friends back home in Orlando, Florida, use them for their Quinceanera or "sweet 15" parties. She says the celebrity connection is wrong, because truly famous people wouldn't be seen in such a gas-guzzler these days. "They drive [hybrid electric] Priuses to the awards shows," she says.
Craig McDonald tells me later that the limousine, a 2006 H2 Krystal Hummer with a six-litre V8 engine, uses 37 litres of fuel to travel 100km. This compares to about 9 litres per 100km for a new car. But Craig says the Hummer does better on the open road.
After a relaxed stop for good coffee and a tasting platter of goodies at Seagars, we wander through the kitchen store and art gallery before our return journey.
It's the teenagers' turn to have their iPod docked to the stereo, so it's Lady Gaga and Hayley Williams with B.o.B.
The driver opens the privacy partition between his area and the back and asks if anyone would like to drive on a straight stretch of country road. "The men always want to drive," he says. "The ladies want to sit in the back and drink wine."
Feeling obliged to buck the gender trend, I take the wheel, with the driver alongside offering guidance - the vehicle requires a class-two truck licence.
So I can tell you a stretch Hummer is heavy and has next to no rear vision. It feels like it takes up more than half the road and it brakes like a fully-laden cattle truck. But there's no question it offers passengers a very comfortable ride.
Visit www.hummer4hire.co.nz for more information. Prices start at $500 for the first hour or $1300 for a wedding package.
