National's policies. Yes?

OUCH: Political satire packs a (cyberbully) punch.
OUCH: Political satire packs a (cyberbully) punch.

Look at the end of the day most New Zealanders know this is a left-wing smear campaign. And what most New Zealanders want to see is discussion about policy. So I'm quite happy to take any questions you want to ask about National's policies. Yes?

Cyberbullying? Sure. Cyberbullying is totally unacceptable and my government is committed to tackling it head on and stopping cyberbullies for good. If I can just quote from our press release from April this year:

"Tormenters are able to harass their targets 24 hours a day, seven days a week, wherever they go, and the trail of abuse lives on in cyberspace ... These new measures send a clear message to cyber bullies: Time's up. Your behaviour is not acceptable."

What's that? Who released that press statement? Well look that's actually not the issue at the end of the day, is it. Yes, it was the Minister of Justice. Yes, her. Alright next question please and let's stick to policies.

Privacy? Absolutely, it's one of the major challenges of the new millennium and my government is determined that the personal data of all New Zealanders is not inappropriately accessed. Like we said in this press release in May:

"It's vital that New Zealanders have confidence in our privacy laws, and that people know their information is in safe hands ... Our proposals will put strong incentives in place to ensure businesses, government departments and other organisations take privacy seriously."

Sorry? Well, yes I suppose "their information" includes credit card details held on the websites of Opposition political parties. No, I don't know if Jason Ede ever read that press release. Look he has nothing to do with me, alright. Frankly you're all just a little too obsessed with actual things that went on in the Beehive, as if we should be setting some sort of example or something.

Next question please. About policy. Moral leadership? No that's not a matter of policy. That's not something most New Zealanders care about. Next?

The rule of law? Personal responsibility? Yeah nah, again you're getting things confused. The rule of law and personal responsibility are part of the founding principles of the National party. They are not current National party policy. Can someone please ask me a question about some important current National party policy?

Cycleways? Oh thank god. Yes, cycleways. Look as I said at the cycleways launch this week, if there's one thing most New Zealanders want, it's somewhere they can go to feel the sun on their face and the breeze in their hair. Somewhere where their cares and troubles and all the important issues of the day just fade away so they can smile and wave, smile and wave. OK look I think I've more than addressed the issues that most New Zealanders are interested in. Let's just get on with what I actually came here for. I name this no-exit cul-de-sac Judith Collins Lane.