Public displays of affection are a no-no
She straddled his waist and stroked his balding head as his hands freely roamed her acne-addled back. He leaned in close and they began sharing the contents of their mouths in a fumbled, squelchy kiss.
Some saliva dribbled enticingly down her chin and it smelled as if he'd had garlic recently.
No, this isn't my own attempt at writing a multi-million-dollar erotic novel. It's what I witnessed at the bus stop the other day.
Public Displays of Affection (PDA for short) seem to be becoming an acceptable part of society. Everywhere I go lately it seems that some couple wants to take up my line of view with their unnecessary loving.
It's a controversial issue. Some people don't seem to mind who sees their most intimate moments (some even want people to see, but let's not go there ...), while others like their affection to remain private.
I, for one, am fed up with my eyes burning.
I want to make this clear early on - I'm not a prude. If you want to re-enact 50 Shades of Grey/Gay/Grandma in the privacy of your own home then that's 100 per cent all right with me ... just don't force me to witness it in public.
Sure, some gestures of affection can be sweet and romantic - think holding hands, a sneaky peck, hugs.
But that's where I draw the line.
I think it should be within every human's rights to be able to walk down the street (or catch the bus) without having to unwittingly participate in some person's open-mouthed tongue kissing, groping or stroking.
I know there's the argument of what constitutes a public place. Personally, I think sitting in a shaded corner of the park or a secluded beach is different to going for it in the middle of the movie theatre or the mall.
And there are many types of PDA offending- online (I love my boo soooo much; here's a self-timer picture of us kissing), underwater (people seem to think they are suddenly invisible under the water at the town pool or Hanmer hot pools), and drunken (sloppy canoodling after a few margaritas is the most acceptable form in my opinion).
Some of you will tell me to leave the happy couples alone. You'll say they're swept up in their first flush of love and can't keep their hands off each other.
Well, I'm not buying it.
I know plenty of people who are happily in love (myself included) who manage to get their kicks without pashing each other's faces off in full view of the whole world.
Sure, a few gestures may slip out occasionally, but save the heavy petting for when you get home.
Some things just don't need to be seen.