No matter what, breaking up sucks

ANNA TURNER
Last updated 08:31 17/08/2012

Let's face it, no matter how many litres of ice-cream or Bridget Jones DVDs you have access to, breaking up with someone sucks.

Even if it's mutual and amicable (is it ever!?), it's hard to re-wire your thinking and cut out someone who was a large part of your life.

A lot of people seem to be going through break-ups at the moment (Rpatz and Kstew included) and it got me thinking about how much more difficult the process is getting.

In the old days, getting dumped was much more simple. Once the relationship had ended, the only ways to contact your ex were driving around to their house, ringing their landline or posting a letter.

Cut up their photo, chuck out everything they ever gave you and burn their old t-shirts and voila, all reminders of them were gone from your life.

These days it's harder to let go. Modern-day break-ups are a minefield of Facebook, Twitter, email and cellphones.

Back in the day, you probably would have chickened out - or sobered up - before you posted that over-the-top letter recounting the passion you once shared with your ex. Now you can ring up and sing Adele drunkenly into their answering machine or text them your undying love before you have the chance to think sensibly about it.

Deleting their number won't help - you probably know it off by heart. Even if you don't, there are dozens of other ways to contact them.

On Facebook, you have to face the dilemma of changing your relationship status and un-tagging photos of you together as a couple. Then, you'll be forced to answer a million questions from "well-meaning" friends who want to know what happened.

You may be tempted to post an emotional status to let the world know how devastated you are ("I may not be your first choice but I am still a great choice") or an equally cringe-worthy one designed to make your ex jealous ("Wild night in town last night with my girls, so many boys asking for my number"). Please, please, don't.

Even if you un-friend your ex they still won't go away. You'll probably end up hearing about them through mutual friends;  you may even see images of them with their new girlfriend. Ouch.

I, for one, have been guilty of some pretty embarrassing break-up behaviour in the past. Pathetic texts (you know those ones where you pretend you "accidentally" sent them a text meant for someone else and use it to try and start a conversation), calling just to hear their answering machine, and excessive Facebook stalking (YOU SAID THAT WOMAN WAS YOUR COUSIN - WHY ARE YOU HOLDING HER HAND IN THAT NEW PHOTO?).

Basically, with modern-day technology, we now need to have more self-control. Which I, clearly, do not always possess.

So, if that fails you, some clever people have designed phone applications to help you get over a break-up. There's one which asks you if you really want to send texts to your ex before you do, one which gives you a positive affirmation each day (There are plenty more fish in the sea and you, girl, are a damn fine hook) and one where you can vent about your ex online with other newly-single people.

How do you get over someone? Have you ever stalked an ex or had an ex stalk you? What was your worst ever break-up? Comment below, email me at anna.turner@press.co.nz or follow me on Twitter.

- © Fairfax NZ News

21 comments
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Carly   #1   11:04 am Aug 17 2012

Lol another great blog! I still stalk my ex on Facebook and we broke up over a year ago. It's just to easy to click on his pic and see what he's doing, or who as it turned out...

Ben   #2   11:11 am Aug 17 2012

My ex-girlfriend called me, texted me, emailed me, everything you can for months on end about how much she missed the 'great relationship' we had. It wasn't that great and it really made me think less of her as a person.

Females are the worst for this sort of carry on. Grow up if you ever want a man.

breakups-r-hard   #3   11:18 am Aug 17 2012

Anna love this one! Something I’m going through at the moment too. My ex of almost a year and I have broken up recently and I have to say it was quite a smooth break up as hard as it is not having him around and doing the couple stuff, we have tried to be friends. This being the best of my breakups I have to say my usual method is “out of sight out of mind.” Thank god for Vodafone and having a block method on your phone meaning you can’t receive any texts from them and yes facebook is dangerous to but that also to has a block method to avoid the urge to stalk! One of the hardest things I think is seeing that they have moved on and you have not...

Ally   #4   11:21 am Aug 17 2012

This made me cringe at my own behaviour in the past. You're right, letting go is so much harder. I even made up a face FB account to stalk my ex after he blocked me.

Ben   #5   11:26 am Aug 17 2012

@Carly #1 You're exactly the kinda crazy I was talking about it. And woman wonder why men dump them!!!

Jessie   #6   11:28 am Aug 17 2012

My ex-boyfriend called me non-stop crying and drunk during one of our breaks. Such a turn off. Howver I did give in eventually so there you go.

yaf   #7   11:31 am Aug 17 2012

I haven't deleted by ex, but blocked him from my news feed. it sometimes literally physically hurts me to see him moving on, even though i want him to be happy. ugh!

lisa   #8   11:54 am Aug 17 2012

@ Ben, I feel like you're making this a 'female' issue unnecessarily. I mean, men can be just as stalkery and pathetic, but you just don't have direct experience with that gender so you just assume it's a girl problem. It's kind of lame.

break up survivor   #9   12:09 pm Aug 17 2012

Yes males can be just as stalk-ish, I tried to have a pleasant break up with an ex when I was a lot younger, but there were texts/phone calls, letters left in the mail box and even mid-night taps on my bedrooms window (lets just say new boyf was not impressed!!) in the end it had to get nasty and I had to politely tell him where to go. There’s a few things to help with a breakup, time on your own to evaluate what you want, spending time on your current or new interests, spending time with your friends, or just time in general helps, or the favourite one… the only way to get over somebody is to get under somebody!

Mad-in-love   #10   12:15 pm Aug 17 2012

Facebook relationship statuses are the worst- you're so right about friends asking if you're ok just to get the gossip.

I must say I've sent quite a few drunk texts in my time


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