After the break-up comes ... revengeANNA TURNER
I don't think it will have escaped many of you that yesterday was the international day of forced and commercialised romance.
It's a day where men feel they must fork out twice as much as any other day for a bunch of roses or face the wrath of their disgruntled significant other, and females compete with each other on Facebook about whose partner pulled out the most stops.
But for a huge sector of the public it's all just a massive reminder of either their singledom or, worse, of their exes.
I spent yesterday having a drink with a friend of mine who broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago.
It wasn't one of these amicable, we're-still-friends break-ups, but an out-of-the-blue, stab-in-the-heart dumping. She was thinking they were going to get married; he was thinking about sleeping with some girl at work.
We've been through all the early stages of the break up - uncontrollable crying, self-blame, icecream eating - and now we've arrived at the last revenge.
I spent several hours with my friend discussing how she recently managed to "win" the break-up.
It's a common aspiration to want to be the one who comes out on top, rather than the one left heart-broken and whining.
Taylor Swift is the undisputed queen of winning the break-up (to be fair she has had a lot of practice). Every time she finishes with a new man she appears the next week with a sexy new makeover and showing a lot of leg.
In no time at all she has a new man - or boy - and a hit single about how she never even liked the guy in the first place. Genius.
But how can us mere mortals recreate her break-up revenge?
Personally, I've never been much good at winning the break-up. I'm an emotional eater and an ugly crier so break-ups usually just leave me red-faced and a few kilos heavier.
I also have very little self control so I'm the one sending my ex drunken texts at 3am on a Saturday asking if I'm being missed and stalking his Facebook to see if there's someone new on the scene.
Luckily, my friend is much better at ex-revenge than me. She had to go round to her ex's place on Wednesday and pick up the last of her things.
In preparation, she got a new haircut, bought a sexy new outfit and practised her best confident strut.
The result? As soon as she left he texted her saying she looked "stunning" and asking if she had plans for Valentines Day.
Of course, she told him she was having a drink after work (just not that it was with me) and then, feeling bold, she even stole a line from her idol T-Swift: "Oh and by the way, we are never, ever, ever getting back together ... like ever".
It may seem a bit petty but winning the break-up can do wonders for the self-esteem. Yesterday, my friend told me she was finally feeling good about herself for the first time since the dumping and had even started back into her old hobbies.
As the loved-up couples around us made eyes at each other over the tables for two, we raised a glass and toasted her ex.
Now, that's winning.
What have you done to "win" the break up? Have you ever gone out of your way to get revenge? Comment below, email me at email@example.com or follow me on Twitter.
- © Fairfax NZ News