I'm off to Europe to make an honest man out of my fiance Nick.
I'll be away for four weeks, leaving a huge column-shaped hole in your lives. But fear not - I've arranged an all-star team to replace me.
They have all been victims, to some extent, of my desperation for writing material. Everything anyone says to me has the potential to be used in a column. Normally, people don't get the chance to write their versions of events but I can offer a platform to these four.
The first guest writer will be none other than the future Mr Meier.
Nick claims I have exaggerated or even invented things about him. Perhaps Nick will set the record straight on topics such as his dancing or mountaineering skills. Please do not believe a word he writes.
Inspiration hit my so-called friend Abbie right away when I asked if she wouldn't mind writing a guest column for me.
"I will write about how annoying you are. I want your readers to know," she said. I think she was still upset at my accurate portrayal of her acting like an excited pink flamingo at my hen's night.
I was hoping for something nicer from my friend Georgie. She loved being mentioned in my column about finding a wedding dress, and thought she came across as hilarious in the one about the hen's night. But then last time I asked her about the guest column she had totally forgotten she was supposed to write.
Maybe this was not such a good idea after all.
For the last guest column, my boss suggested I asked one of my wedding guests to pen a report of the day. My English friend Andrew, who is a good writer, agreed right away.
"My angle will be that Kiwis shouldn't even meet French people because air travel is an environmental disaster. I will then assert that you put the mental into environmental and find things at the wedding that back me up," he said in an email.
I can only hope he was joking. I guess we will find out when it's published.
Jokes aside, letting other people write for my column will put me on the other side of the fence.
There are always different versions and sides to any story.
My friends have got used to being quoted in my columns regularly but other people I encounter do not necessarily realise they might end up there.
Of course, I make sure I do not identify strangers when it could be embarrassing for them. But still, I guess it is fair enough to feel disgruntled when you read someone else's version of events.
So maybe it is time for me to let others give their version of the story.
It might help me understand people's reactionS to my columns better when I come back.
In the meantime, I trust Nick, Abbie, Georgie and Andrew will entertain you.
But remember, it is only their side of the story, and most of it is likely to be made up.
- The Press