PG (Parental Guidance Advised)

In defence of daycare

08:50am 15 Feb 2012

HAMISH DENSTON

I've blogged about my daughter attending daycare before, but this article on Stuff last week has raised the issue again. Since my daughter's been in daycare for several months now, I have a slightly different perspective now than when she was just starting out. Back then it was trepidation about what she was (and we as parents were) getting into. Now I've had some time to see how she's getting on.

The article is fairly clear that the report, which concludes that daycare is detrimental to a child's development, is likely to be highly imbalanced given the reputation of its author. Given that the report was commissioned to support a particular argument, this isn't surprising. What did surprise me, though, was my reaction to the story. I got quite peeved, and immediately ready to jump to the defence of daycare!

The daycare centre that my daughter attends is a very good one. The teachers have all been there for a long time, and their focus on the kids is exemplary. There was a waiting list, but it was well worth it, and I have to give my wife credit for her diligence in making sure that our munchkin got in.

There's an expression that goes "it takes a village to raise a child", and I kind of like that. My wife and I put a lot of effort into raising our daughter, but as all parents will know, sometimes you can really do with a break. It can also be good to expose your child to other people's care so that the youngster gets to experience different ways of doing things. I know there have been words and songs and activities that my daughter has picked up from spending time with her grandparents, and likewise there are things she has brought home with her from daycare too. Certainly singing songs with her classmates has helped to cement them in her mind, and just shy of her second birthday, she's able to pretty much sing short songs all the way through.

The social aspect has been good for her as well. As she hops into the car when we pick her up at the end of the day, she rattles off the names of the children that she's played with. She likes the teachers too. Whenever we got ready to go out over the weekend, she would ask "Going to see Margwet?" hopefully. Yes, she means Margaret, but she hasn't quite got the hang of that second "R" yet.

The chompy child

10:45am 13 Feb 2012

49 comments

DONNELLE BELANGER-TAYLOR

Bite At 28 months, Finn is getting his two-year molars. The dribble patch on the front of his shirt has made a comeback. Presumably related is the fact that he's started to occasionally bite.

It happens in stressful situations, such as queueing in a busy Subway. I could see he was getting anxious, standing surrounded by tall adults, but I had his twin, Vieve, on one hip and my other hand was full. I leaned over to reassure him; his response was to bury his head against my leg and bite my thigh. Yowch! I didn't like it, but I could understand it. He felt threatened and used the only weapon he had to hand jaw.

A week ago, Vieve caught a bite on her hand. They were squabbling over a toy on the couch. Finn got an immediate "No biting!" and a seat on the floor. Vieve got the toy, an ice-pack, and lots of attention.

My mother-in-law offered the old advice: "It's time to bite him back." No, I am not going to bite my child. Knowing Finn's personality, he would take that as a demonstration of an acceptable way to deal with people, and resort to biting more. Plus, they're no good raw.

Perhaps karmically, Finn was then bitten at Playcentre on Friday. He came howling inside, screaming "Bite! Bite! Bite!" Like many kids, he can't manage a "k" sound and substitutes a "t", so I thought he was saying "Bike!" I was terribly confused trying to work out what bike and what on earth had happened, but through his tears he managed to tell me "Shirt! Back! Bite!"

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Leaving your baby

09:15am 10 Feb 2012

31 comments

HAMISH DENSTON

I started a new job at the end of last year, and it involves occasional travel. I've just returned from the first of these trips, which required me to spend the night in Auckland, home being Wellington. This was also the first time I've had to spend a night away from my family since my daughter was born.

Now I have to come clean, the above statement isn't entirely accurate. My wife took our daughter to see relatives in Australia last year for a couple of days, but this is the first time where I've been the one to go away. I know it's a bit of a semantic difference, but somehow it just felt really different. It felt as if, when my girls were away, I was still there holding the fort, able to provide support from home base if necessary. But when I was the one travelling, I felt more disconnected from my family. It was very isolating, knowing that if I was needed for whatever reason, I couldn't be there. Of course my wife had everything under control, but this wasn't a rational feeling!

I've travelled for work before, but this was a totally new experience for me, the feelings that it brought up. I have to say, I didn't care much for it. I just had to keep telling myself that it was all just part of providing for the family that I was missing so much - and this was only for one night! Planes

I'd be lying if I said the trip was all bad though. It was productive from a work point of view, which helped take the edge off missing the family. It would have been harder to deal with if it had felt like a waste of time. I also managed to catch up with an old friend for an evening of cool beer and grown-up conversation (well, as grown-up as male conversation gets). And then there was the hotel...

My employer has, as companies often do, negotiated a good corporate rate with a very nice hotel. I took full advantage of the comfy bed, the lack of dogs and not being woken up in the middle of the night. I honestly can't remember the last time I slept so well!

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One kid, two kids, three kids, more?

08:40am 09 Feb 2012

91 comments

MELISSA MCDONNELL

I was chatting with friends the other night and discussing the number and age gaps between their children, what was manageable, whether they would change it, and the reasons why.

The reason I asked was that I was about to look after a friend's 18-month-old boy for the day, and figured it wouldn't make too much difference to my daily routine looking after my 27-month and 11-month-old girls. Surely, another wee one playing around the yard wouldn't make that much difference, would it?

Besides, it would be great practice and a good opportunity to see how I would fare when number three comes along (if all goes to plan, anyway).

All the mothers with three-plus children gave each other a knowing look, took a deep breath, and a few went on to share their stories. kids

One said that the jump from having two to three children was massive on several levels. With two children she would think nothing of popping to the supermarket to grab a few groceries, but with three boisterous boys in tow, she no longer even entertains the idea.

Parenting is more than a feeding choice

09:18am 07 Feb 2012

118 comments

DONNELLE BELANGER-TAYLOR

You've no doubt heard the big kerfuffle about Piri Weepu's anti-smoking ad; it's pretty hard to miss since it's been all over the internet, newspaper, talkback radio and television. The thing is, there was no kerfuffle until this article ran in the Herald on Sunday.

The government-funded Health Sponsorship Council, the group making the anti-smoking ad, captured footage of Piri with his daughter, including a scene of him bottle-feeding his daughter.

Eventually realising that the bottle-feeding footage might compromise the message of the government-funded breastfeeding campaign, HSC made La Leche League and other organisations aware of the ad, and LLL provided feedback. The league's response was that the bottle-feeding footage was unnecessary, given the other father-daughter interactions and that it would detract from other health promotion campaigns.

I don't know about you, but I'd certainly prefer that my tax dollars went towards promoting consistent messages.

Another organisation initiated an email campaign. A line which has provoked much outrage ("The damage that this shot of a celebrity All Black will do to breastfeeding in New Zealand Aotearoa will be significant") was from those emails, not from La Leche League correspondence.

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