My mum is transcribing all the letters her father sent home from WW2 into a book. Complete with photos, maps, and other information on where he was right up to the point he was wounded and later died. It's important for her because she was only wee when he left and was an only child. It's important to us because this is our family history and we should never forget.

ahhhh that was a sad read for a Monday morning :( but a lovely one nonethless

Hi Donelle

you might try the "interview" technique - talk to Xander about what he does remember now, ask him specific questions about Grampa, get him to draw pictures, and then write it all down. It will be very precious to have his actual words and thoughts at age 5, when he comes to read it years from now. My mum did that after my sister died. I'm amazed to read it now, to remember having that conversation with my mum, and to try to recall the 11-yr-old that I was at the time. Even thought I was 10 when she died, I now have very few memories of her, so I love reading my own words.

@MC: That's a great idea! Thank you!

We did gather some of his thoughts at the time so I could read them at the service. His words:

"I liked Grampa Steve because we built a bean house. The roof has fallen down a bit but the supports are stuck in the ground and they're really strong and tough against the wind.

He made me steak for dinner and I like steak.

He was nice to me and sometimes he put me upside down!"

Photos helped me remeber my Nanna but I do find as I get older I wish I could have seen her more through my adult eyes -that can only be got from people who knew her talking about her I guess. But one thing I think you don't loose even as memory fades is the spirit or essence of that person - in my case I remember her and feel loved and warm because thats what she projected for me. I am sure no matter what details Xander forgets Steves lovely spirit will remain with him.

I never met my mother's father, he died from kidney disease about three months before I was born. Mum often says "My dad would have loved you," and not just in a grandfatherly way, but she talked a bit about how he loved his sport, as do I, and how our senses of humour were similar.

I'm amazed at what I can remember from my childhood from photographs. My parents took loads of photographs, and it's from them that I remember so much about my grandparents and the things we did.

Aw, sad reading, but lovely all the same. @MC #3, I think that is a really good idea. Donelle, maybe you can film Xander talking about Grampa Steve - capture his emotion about it too.

And good luck with Vieve - sick babies aren't fun as I am finding out myself!!

So, I have a question - how will you introduce Steve to the twins? Both my Mum and mother-in-law passed away well before my son was born. We have photos of them on our "photo wall" and talk about them all the time (though, at 18 months old, I'm not convinced he understands!). But, A-T: how does it make you feel when your Mum talks about her Dad? We don't want to upset our son, but we want him to know that his grandmothers would have absolutely adored him.

We have lots of family photos around and we all talk to my kids about relatives who are gone. There are a lot of good family stories that we repeat often so they get a sense of who those people were. One thing my siblings and I did for my father's 70th birthday was compile a collection of stories about Dad and get them printed and bound into a book. They are our recollections of him (he's a fascinating man) and will be a wonderful trove of memories when he's gone which hopefully won't be for many years yet.

A family tree is very helpful too so that kids can see where "Aunty Jane" fits into the family.

@ Liv. I don't remember ever having a sad conversation with Mum about him, his memory is always brought up in a happy or neutral sort of context. I can't actually remember when I first understood or realised the fact that he died before I was around. I think when I was younger, I just accepted without much question that I had a Gran and Grandad on dad's side, and just Granny on mum's side.

These days, I'm sad I never got to meet him but I just trust in mum's stories about him being a great guy, and that's enough for me. And I don't miss what I never had, you know?

Sounds like you're on the right track, Liv. Just make your mum and mother-in-law 'real people' in the eyes of your son, and stress your happy memories of them. And answer questions he'll have, too :-)